Canoodling (Albus)

How how HOW did he get himself into these situations?

Already Kody regretted this, it was like he took a bludger to the head and had his sense of reason spill out onto the ground. How did Albus always manage to whittle him down even over parchment? It was mind-boggling and a little infuriating. He stared back at his own tired reflection in the prefect's bathroom mirror, his school robes in his bag for the night and a plain black t-shirt tugged neatly over broad shoulders and grey sweatpants. It looked tight on him, he made a mental note to go shopping one weekend. Wait, why did it matter? What was he saying?

'Calm down, its just Albus. He'll probably bore you right to sleep talking about his new crush.' Kody reassured himself. Thankfully he didn't keep much track into who Potter was snogging these days, even after he'd been saddled with slytherin house for five years now everyone's name and everyone's face just blended together in a kind of featureless mesh indistinguishable from one another.

With a sigh he gathered his bag and made the long trek through the thinning halls and the narrow portrait into the dungeon. To his immense relief the common room was empty. Most of the other students were straggling about into their dormitories as the ceiling in the great hall transfixed from the cool dusk sky to a smattering of stars twinkling overhead. Truthfully he always found the place a bit gloomy. The deep emerald stained glass and overhead baubles glistened with the light of the cheery flame that was, as always, the only sign of light and warmth.

He settled himself onto the long cough as he let the bag drop to the edge, stretching out fully and resting his hands behind his still damp head. He couldn't help but feel on-edge. What was "cuddling" exactly? And what did it entail? Was it just a hug only lying down? How did that work? What did people do? Just...sit there? It seemed so bizarre to him. Why would Albus want to just lie here and hug him like a toy?

He cleared his throat and put the thought out of his mind. He'd probably just missed him is all, it had been quite a few months.

"...Should've brought a book to read." He murmured aloud to himself. Where was he? Kody was eager to get this two minutes over with.

Albus had been spending his evening with some of his friends in the student lounge. The group of kids spoke of their years, and how much had changed since the last. Albus never imagined himself dating his best friend, nor had he imagined certain couples hooking up. This year at Hogwarts was amazing, his first year of really coming out of his shell. Naturally, Albus was a socially awkward mess but this year was a bit different. Albus actually made memories, and enjoyed himself. It was always hard for him to find himself. His lack of confidence when it came to making friends was really his issue. Albus didn't imagine himself getting along with half the people he did. Then again, he couldn't spend his whole life trying to be a perfectionist. It wasn't any fun, he craved those impulsive moments where he'd cut loose and enjoy himself. Albus' grades were exceptional so he wasn't lacking anything. There was something nice about his new found personality he liked having friends and plans to attend to. It felt nice to be wanted and loved for being himself.

Plans, that reminded him he needed to spend the night catching up with his mate Kody. The two had sent an owl back and forth discussing the fact they needed to catch up. Kody had slipped below the surface for some time, and he didn't like when his friends randomly disappeared out of his life. It was getting later, and Albus figured it was time to part with his boyfriend and friends for the night. After a brief kiss and small conversation, he parted ways. Albus would miss Frankie for the night but he was sure his boyfriend didn't want to know what he was going to attempt this time. It wasn't like Frankie didn't know Albus was affectionate to his friends, he was just sure his boyfriend may have gotten terribly jealous. Therefore he'd just go and prove a point. Two minutes? Albus was going to cuddle for longer then that, probably the whole conversation. The point that he was trying to make was the fact it felt brilliant to have someone hold you. To be there, talk, and show Kody it was okay to let someone get close to him. Albus was sure the other boy had never cuddled, he said so. The middle Potter just wanted to be the first, and hopefully not the last. He just hoped this wouldn't be a painfully awkward thing.

Albus made his way down to the Slytherin dungeon. When he entered the common room Kody hadn't been there. Albus figured he was still bathing, so he'd go get into his pajamas. By then Kody would be there, it was getting later after all. Kody made it clear he didn't want anyone to see this, Albus wondered what the issue was but he wouldn't question. Entering his dormitory he went to his sleeping area and grabbed his black plaid pajama pants and a white s shirt. Albus got changed and looked himself over in the mirror. As other students were fast asleep, Albus walked to the common room. He over heard Kody's mumbling and grinned. "Nope no books tonight. Just fun with me." Albus said walking over to the couch Kody had been sitting on. Albus took a seat beside the other boy and smiled sheepishly. "You nervous yet?" Albus asked with a wink, as he moved a little closer to the blonde. He was happy the whole disappearance wasn't because of something he had done. It was a relief. Albus leaned back, he wouldn't force Kody into cuddling until he was good and ready. "How have you been since our last owl? Anything eventful you'd like to share?" Albus asked quirking an eyebrow.

"Nope no books tonight. Just fun with me."

He sat up straight at the sound of his voice. He fought back a subtle smile that played at the corners of his lips. Seeing him saunter forward, as if no time had passed, had its own affect on him. Like a warm mead pooling into the center of his stomach and taking a cold away he hadn't even realized he felt. He sat beside him and at question he chuckled against his will.

"You nervous yet?"

"I looked up 'cuddle' in the dictionary and its the most pointless infantile thing I've ever read. You're a strange one, Potter." He answered with a smirk. Even so, the boy couldn't deny he'd been playing with the thought ever since their last owl. Certainly he was no stranger to the older slytherin's hugs and claps on the back, it took him almost three weeks to stop cringing in anticipation every time they passed in the halls and he made a face like a cat dropped into the bath, but this concept seemed different somehow. Alien.

He didn't get it. And something told him he never would, no matter how many times he saw teens huddled together under blankets or nestled by the fire Kody would always roll his eyes in contempt.

"How have you been since our last owl? Anything eventful you'd like to share?"

"Hm?" Kody scratched the underside of his chin. It was odd; he wracked his brain for anything of note and couldn't find much aside from the usual teasing he tuned out and praise from professors that he thrived on. Without Albus around his school life was decidedly duller. He hadn't even noticed it at the time. What did he used to do before he met him?

'Hide in the library all day.' The voice inside his head droned. It was almost sad, but it was the truth. Strange, it never bothered him before. Why now?

"Well, aside from slipping into academic ruin, no not really. Everyday has more or less just been sleeping and studying." He answered with a shrug of his shoulders. "What about you? You're seeing what's-his-face now right? He-Whose-Name-Escapes-Me. I know you're like a simmering howler ready to go off, gushing all about it, no need to hold back. C'mon, lets get it over with. Two minutes." He teased, now looking at him fully for the first time since he'd sat down.

Honestly, he hated beating around the bush. Albus seemed so offended at the prospect of him never having 'snuggled' that it was the only reason he agreed to this in the first place. They could've easily met up for breakfast or after class. That and his own curiosity was building. If it was really this fantastic, life-changing rush of overwhelming warm-fuzzies...well he'd see when it hit him.

Albus wondered why Kody thought he was a strange boy. "Really all that trouble for me?" Albus mused at Kody speaking about looking up the word cuddle. Albus didn't really see what be big deal was with it, it was nice to be able to cuddle with someone. Albus indeed had his quirky moments, but strange? "You're the one who looked up what it meant to cuddle, so really who is strange now?" Albus asked quirking an eyebrow. He was only teasing in return because he felt the normal vibe he and Kody had when they got together. Kody understood Albus' socially awkward behavior, and really that night in the prefect bathroom they bonded over that. It was a very awkward bath, but bliss and new in itself. Albus was glad Kody gave him the chance to be his friend. Albus always remained loyal to those deserving of it. He was pretty sure he was one if not the only one of Kody's friends that tried to pull him from his shell. Kody was a cynical individual, Albus often thought he was too serious most of the time. Another reason some cuddling would do him good. Perhaps his mate wouldn't be so groggy.

Albus walked over and took a seat close to Kody. Albus had only been yanking Kody's chain when he asked was he nervous. The thought that he made someone uncomfortable made him a little weary, he didn't want to do that. Albus may have been a little more affectionate then most, but he certainly wasn't that weird. Only sometimes and it was because that was who he was. Albus was naturally a moody, timid person. So when he was being sweet or nice, people would notice. Yes, that's it. He mentally told himself. Albus wasn't really going to rush Kody into anything he wasn't use to. Albus had respect, even if he wanted something he wouldn't force himself upon anyone. It just wasn't in his character to be overly bold. So some small talk would do them some good. Albus asked if Kody had anything eventful going on since their last own and he wasn't surprised to hear the whole library bit. Kody had added he had been studying. "Well I'm sure your prepared for those O.W.Ls. If you need anyone to just toss out some prep questions, or help you study you know where to find me." Albus was sure Kody was proud, so he didn't think his friend would accept his offer, no harm in offering. Albus knew when having someone to study with, there wasn't anything they'd miss. One person may have let something slip their mind, where two could do much more.

When asked about his life, he grinned. Kody seemed to have him all figured out. "Gushing ey? Well I'm sure you don't want me to spill all the gossip but I will tell you about it." Albus said, if only Kody was Eva or one of his female best friends he would have gushed out everything. In a less then manly way as well. Kody had mentioned the two minutes and Albus nodded. How to do this? Albus wasn't sure what type of cuddling the two should do but he figured to try to match whatever the dictionary stated. Albus laid back on the couch, and used one of the pillows to prop up his head. "Okay come here, and rest your head on my chest." Albus told Kody. He was taller then the younger boy, not by much, but still. So Albus figured he'd take on the male roll of cuddling for now. Albus waited for Kody to oblige and when they were ready he ran his fingers through Kody's blonde locking lovingly to sooth him. Albus didn't want Kody to be too tense, and if he was nervous he'd try to relax that anxiety. "See it's not so bad." Albus said with a grin looking down into the boy's green orbs. "As for my Munchkin, his name is Frankie, you should know that. He was my best friend before all this happened." Albus paused, it wasn't easy to forget the name of someone he was so close to, but if Kody forgot he'd refresh him memory. "We've been dating for almost two months now. It's brilliant, I've never felt more secure about myself. Just being around someone who loves me for me, and understands that I'm arrogant at times and the fact I do have flaws and accepts them. It's all I ever wanted in life." Albus said fading into his little dream like state. He sighed dramatically and held Kody a little closer. "You should try it. Love. It's amazing." Albus mustered, though he know he'd be shot down soon enough.

"Oh it was no trouble at all." He grinned. Oh, he missed the easy banter. The ebb and flow of conversation that came effortlessly to him now. He hadnt realized just how much Albus had become a part of his daily routine until he was gone. It was like trying to be content with a pool when whe'd already swam in the ocean. It was hard to keep his face even. Just being with the self-proclaimed 'black sheep' of the Potters again made his shoulders feel lighter.

"Okay come here, and rest your head on my chest."

And then moment he'd been dreading finally came.

With a hearty roll of his eyes and a quick scan of the couch his feet moved him forward automatically. The second he planted himself down in such immediate proximity he fought the urge to fidget. He was so close, too close, how did people do this so cavalierly? How did they gain the instinct to pop the metaphorical "bubble" of personal space with such wanton disregard? But he was going to do it. It was a challenge. Kody swallowed hard, closed his eyes, and let himself ease onto him.

'He's so warm and soft...'

The subtle rise and fall of the older boy's chest, the gentle thump of his heart playing against his ear; it was hypnotic. And soon his own matched its rhythm.

"See it's not so bad."

His voice was louder, clearer, and deeper than he'd ever heard it before as he felt his fingers scatter his messy blonde hair between them. His heartbeat picked up.

'What...am I doing...?'

Blood rushed to his face in record time, staining it gryiffindor crimson and rivaling the fireplace with the heat it provided him. Then their eyes met and it dawned on him just how pitiful he must've looked. Laying on his chest, lulled by his heartbeat while trying to quell his own, peering up at him like some kind of small child that needed to be rocked after a tantrum. He wanted to kill himself and also never get up at the same time.

"As for my Munchkin, his name is Frankie, you should know that. He was my best friend before all this happened."

He was dazed again by hearing him so near. There was a quip in his mind that never quite made it to his lips.

"We've been dating for almost two months now. It's brilliant, I've never felt more secure about myself. Just being around someone who loves me for me, and understands that I'm arrogant at times and the fact I do have flaws and accepts them. It's all I ever wanted in life."

"You must not want very much then." He whispered, letting his eyes pull away for the first time to look deep into the flames that danced in front of them. He felt Albus pull him tighter and he wanted to squirm but instead went limp. Nothing was working like it should. His cheeks were on fire and every cynical thought in his head was being burned away before he could detach himself long enough to focus. His inner voice was fighting to pull anchor him down but he'd already drifted. The worst part was he couldn't even make himself hate it. He couldn't even make himself care.

"You should try it. Love. It's amazing."

He still couldn't think.

What did "love" even feel like? How would he "know" it if he ever had the misfortune of slipping that far? He cared for his cat because it depended on him. He obeyed his foster family because he depended on them. Was that love? Obligation based on codependency, like an unbreakable vow never performed yet understood between two people? That sounded awful. So how did it not feel awful too? It made no sense.

"Albus..." He murmured, trying to distract himself from how much edge his usually stern voice had lost. "If love is so amazing, then what happens when its gone?" The answer was obvious to him. If someone else could hold such a large piece of everything that made him Kody Faulkner, then for whatever reason decided they didn't like what they had anymore, what would he do?

He didn't know. But he knew he never wanted to find out.

"Being teased is different. I don't care about anyone here so nothing they say or do can bother me. But if I fell in love...that would change, wouldn't it? I'd want them to fancy me. I'd want to make them happy. I'd want to see them, and be with them and be a better person so I'd be good enough for them. Then suddenly what I want most aren't the ambitions I've had since I got my Hogwarts letter. Since I was eleven years old all I've wanted was to be a good son...with good grades...and a nice proper job...that my parents, my real parents, could be proud of. They could see me, hear of me, and know I did better. It's silly, but I've always thought that I could redeem them through me. That if I just tried really hard to be perfect, it'd somehow make up for all the evil things they've done. I made that my job when I was a dumb kid."

He let out a laugh and shook his head against Albus' shirt. He couldn't believe he was telling him this. Why was he telling him this? The stupid thoughts than ran through his mind in the small hours of the night were of no interest or relevance to anyone. Yet there was something about being held that made it hard to keep to himself.

"If I fell in love I'd only think about me and them. Everything I want, everything I care about, would change. And when they chucked me aside like rubbish...after realizing what a snarky, selfish, arrogant, mean little wizard I really am...I'd be standing alone in a room somewhere...in a graveyard of dreams I killed for them. And I don't think you understand just how scary that is."

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Albus surely didn't see what the big deal was. He understood Kody had never cuddled with someone before, and he understood the boy liked his personal space. But surely it was because he hadn't a clue what he was missing out on. Albus had always been the one to show his friends more affection because he wasn't affectionate as a child. The middle Potter had issues connecting with most of his large family, so when it came to his friends he liked to share his gratitude. The fact he actually had a great group of friends, meant the word to him. Albus was sure if Kody dropped his attitude he would make friends, yet that prissy personality denied the boy in front of him. Albus wouldn't want Kody to change, and if it took a little cuddling time from Albus to show him there was more to life, so be it. Albus wasn't exactly sure what he expected from this. He didn't want to lead Kody on, but he did enjoy the thought of him showing him he cared. Albus had been his only friend after all, someone needed to help him see happiness. Books and wealth could only do so much. There was something about being physical and knowing there was love and happiness in the world that kept him going. The boy remembered when he was younger how he used to fawn over his romance novels at all hours of the night, in his dormitory. Albus wanted that love, craved it. Evidently he got that contentment and love he wanted. Even if he wasn't fully in love, the thought of contentment was there.

Albus watched as Kody finally obliged his comment to lay on his chest. Albus tried to sooth the boy because he knew he was somewhat on the edge about this whole situation. Albus often cuddled, so he wasn't new to this. He remembered the first time a cuddled a female and how nervous he was, so he figured that was the comparison. Albus explained how nice it was to have someone care for him, and at Kody's words about him not wanting a lot out of life, he sucked his teeth. He could avoid a flare right now if he kept his mouth shut. Unfortunately it was Albus, and he wasn't taking that standing down. "Really? Well yes acceptance is a great thing to have, not all of us are graced with a carefree attitude like yours." Albus had a surname to live up to, it wasn't like he was some average child who could do as he pleased. "It always feel like all eyes are on me, and what ever I do is a shame to my father's name if I screw up. So that sense of security is important to me. I do seek out a great future for myself. Just allowing someone to share it with me, is all I meant by that statement." He said defensive. He didn't like the way Kody thought because he had a boyfriend he thought less of his future. Albus was just as ambitious as he had always been. He just broke the social phobia that had held him back for so long. It seemed like this was the first time in his life he was content, the first time he didn't care who was picking on him. Albus was happy, and if his friend thought less of him because of it, so be it. Albus signed and closed his eyes allowing himself to relax.

Albus enjoyed the thought of love and he believed everyone should experience it before judging it. Albus didn't know Kody's story to the point of full details. He knew the boy was adopted, so did that mean he was never loved before? Albus grew up in a loving home, but always pushed away the love that was given to him. He was cynical of the love his own family gave because he was different. There were only a couple people he could tolerate and one of those people were gone. After correcting Kody he wasn't sure if he wanted to cuddle anymore, but he guessed bickering was something he and Kody did. He just didn't like being put down. When Kody said his name he opened his eyes and listened to the question. if love was so amazing what happens when it's gone? Albus wasn't sure how to answer that, he had went through a break up. "You pull yourself together. Heal, then try again. It's the same with any goal in life. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean it will always be that way. You just need to keep faith in yourself, and be true." Albus explained. Sure being hurt was part of life, weather it was a break up or something worst. "You just remember the mistakes and try harder to correct them the next time around." Albus added.

Albus ignored the fact he had a mood swing moments ago, and he allowed himself to read more into love. Kody spoke of his past and Albus listened attentive. He pulled Kody a little closer showing him he was there, and it was okay to be scared. Albus wasn't sure how one could live up to all the things Kody was saying but he needed to analyze it. "So you think being perfect and wasting your youth trying to unwrite the wrongs of your parents is acceptable? You can't do that, and I'm sure your parents would be proud of you even if you were not perfect. We are not suppose to be perfect Kody. We make mistakes and we learn from them. If you don't take risks, how will you learn? Failing is a part of life as well. You need to see things from both sides to appreciate the things you do accomplish." Albus was on to something at least in his mind. When thinking about it, he remembered trying to be perfect for his parents. Just to have his mother say she was proud of him once. Even if she did, he was too caught up in the fact she cared more about his siblings them him, to hear it. Albus has a strong distaste for that women. "Sure, you'd care what the person you fell for thought, but they'd also see the fact you have dreams. Two people don't push aside their ambitions to be with one another. They accept and want to see their partner's dreams come true, they want to share that happiness with one another." Albus explain with a hint of a smile. It was like with his parents, Dad was an Auror and Mum played quidditch. They split up for a few years to follow their dreams but had a beautiful family. One he was some where in the darkness of his soul, proud to be part of.