cry for judas;; open

They always say that all things will get better with time. That if one just bites their tongue, swallows real hard, and deals with it for a while things will get better. That those things will all turn out for the best and you as a person will be much, much happier. It was bullshit. At least that was what Rollo Bonette thought anyway but things had only gotten worse with time in his case. People didn’t change, he was still socially unacceptable, and overall the world was still the way it had always been since he was a boy. It was disappointing. Sure his life had seen its ups but the downs outnumbered them and his general glass half empty disposition hardly lent him any kind of well meaning attitude towards the way things would turn out with his life. Sure he liked his job, that was something after all, but he hated the people. There was also the traveling aspect that came with it but still that meant more people and he was hardly ever home in his own bed, which was yet another one of his personal pet peeves. It was stupid he knew but even at Hogwarts he had not slept well.

Most would of course chalk his lack of sleep, then and now, up to his general paranoia when it came to, well, everything in his life. It was stupid he knew to carry such things with one’s self but Rollo just couldn’t help himself. He found his mind constantly kicking into over drive considering every situation possible on the face of the earth and those he couldn’t think of were what kept him up at night. Besides it wasn’t his bed that he was sleeping in. Sure it was a bit weird but Rollo needed his own bed, his own pillows, and his own blankets. It was like a nervous tick for the boy but at least then when he was in bed he felt at home. It wasn’t a feeling that came lightly or often in his life so he clung to it even if it was only there via cotton and feathers. It was as stupid as it sounded he knew that but still things could have been much worse right? At least he could sleep when he was in his own bed and not constantly haunted by the fact that he knew he would be up night after night. That would have been torture.

Today there was no traveling though. No lumpy or foreign beds. No chance of Rollo not sleeping and no chance of work even trying to bring him in. Work was relatively slow right now and Rollo was happy for that. Sure every now and then he got whisked away off to find treasure or do some other such thing but right now, today, was his day off and he intended to enjoy that as much as he possible could. The problem was that Rollo enjoying it would have meant him laying down to sleep and actually managing to do so. No matter where Rollo went though he wouldn’t be able to find what he was looking for. So with a sigh he rose from his chair pulled on a shirt and pants and headed for the door. The world provided him little comfort and it was filled with people he’d much rather not associate with but here he was going out into it because anything was better than sitting in his flat waiting for sleep or something close to it. He wasn’t naïve enough to think it was possibly today or at least that it wasn’t possible right now.

The harsh noise of the streets outside his apartment provided him with little comfort. Elderly witches and wizards picking up supplies for work or pleasure. Couples searching for books on how to work out their relationships or new potion making set for two. Parents with their children home on break and just trying to find a way to get them to expend their energy before they got home. They all brushed past him occasionally bumping shoulders with him. He needed to get out of this alleyway because that wasn’t what it was. It was a death trap and with each step in it Rollo felt his breath getting shorter and his time coming to an end. It was overdramatic and hardly the truth but that was how he felt at that given moment. Hell it was how he felt every moment of his life whenever he was in a public place like this. Hogwarts had been hell for this reason and at moments like this his nostalgia was sparked in the worst way possible. He was reminded of the bustling halls between castles and even then how he had felt like he was absolutely nothing more to anyone in the world than a person to be jostled or pushed aside in passing..

It was in this moment, in utter desperation for his body and soul, that Rollo ducked into the closest possible shop. It wasn’t a conscious decision or any kind of deliberate one but it was the closest shop possible and probably the worst one. Not that Rollo disliked books or for that matter Flourish and Blotts all that much. No he quite enjoyed both on a normal occasion but this wasn’t a normal occasion. It wasn’t mid-afternoon in the middle of October, it was mid afternoon in the middle of winter and while the shop provided warmth from the cold a fair amount of people were there returning unwanted gifts along with the normal crowd to boot. This just wasn’t fair on any level at least not in his opinion. As he had learned a long time ago, his opinion did not matter in situations such as this. He was stuck with whatever the hell was thrown his way and he would just have to deal with it. It was his lot in life to swallow the things he hated and deal with them. So that’s what he did. Pushing through yet another crowd Rollo did the best in his ability to simply avoid large groups of people, scan the stacks, and look for something that would be interesting or even put him to sleep.

tagged!OPEN!
lyrics Bright Eyes, Goldmind Gutted
notes None
word count 1049
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