Written in the stars [Aiden]

walk. out. of. this. darkness

WITH NO SENSE OF REGRET

It had been a while since he was actually in the class rooms, the dormitory anything really Hogwarts related. It had been a couple weeks since he was deemed mentally unstable and was sent to St. Mungo's. It wasn't the first time he was sectioned, actually right after his father was murdered he had a slip up. Albus had always had issues with his bipolar disorder, it would cause him to have racy suicidal thought, and anyone who seen the boy without sleeves, would know why he was gone for the period of time. Albus kept in touch with his close friends and family when he was away. The head master made sure Albus got all of his school assignments, and everything was more controlled. Before he left school he had done somethings, morally he couldn't claim to be proud of. It wasn't just one incident, it was a few and he needed to be away from all the chaos. Albus didn't regret any of his previous decisions, he just was effected by them all at once. Add the fact his father's death anniversary was coming up into the mix, and it was clear why the boy had a break down.

Now it was time to go back to Hogwarts and be himself. Albus had his feeling of self worth back, he had his pride, he just needed to get used to being normal again. Of course he objected to being called normal, but in a life style sense. Upon entering the doors to the castle he realized it was after dinner. Albus wasn't really hungry and he needed to unpack. Down in the Slytherin common room a few of his mates welcomed him back, of course most didn't know why he took an absence in the first place, but all that mattered was he was home. Hogwarts was always a second home, and as much as he liked his recovery time, and space he missed the dormitory. The green tint to it, even the fact he'd hardly have privacy. Just being around the boys he grew up beside was exciting. An hour later he was all unpacked, ready to walk the castle. Albus didn't want to over whelm himself with too much company, and the possibility of questions but he decided to head to the great hall to make an appearance. After that he'd be put up to his normal prefect patrols but he decided against it, pulling a rebellious move. Albus walked out of the school, unseen.

Wondering the grounds in the night was never a bright idea, but to enjoy his first day back he needed to enjoy the grounds as well. Albus hadn't only matured in his mind, he also had a small growth spurt at St. Mungo's. He had decided upon a hair cut, and to let a little of his facial hair grow. It was only stubble on his upper lip, but it gave him a different look. If he didn't like it, he could always change his appearance, so there were no regrets to that either. Albus walked over taking a seat in the grass. The Whomping willow trees were in his distance he could clear his mind, and have self reflection time. It was warm out, the night air caused him to take off his sweater, and allowed the air to pierce his skin. Albus looked down at the stitch marks on his wrist and traced them lightly with his finger tips. Hiding these scars was going to be complex with the weather shifting, but he'd do his best. For now it was dark, and no one was around so he could just enjoy the free feeling. Albus used his sweater to cushion his head and he laid back looking up at the stars in the sky. Often he'd ask himself why did bad things happen to him, and there wasn't really ever an answer he could settle upon. "One, two, three." Albus counted off a constellations. Astronomy was one of his favorite classes, he needed to get back into the swing of those as well. Classes wouldn't wait for him, but Albus was excited to get back into lectures. The boy was a natural at correcting his professors, he was sure they'd be thrilled to have him back. Chuckling he chewed the inside of his cheek, just taking in the cool air, and the beauty of the night.

- - - - - - - - - -
and i go with a clear conscience

TAGGED;;Aiden Vaisey
WORD COUNT;;776
LYRICS;;[/color]Kelly Clarkson - Low
CREDITS;;[/color]Moi!
NOTES;;[/color] Hoping it's enough.
[/size][/font]

Was it strange that it was only now hitting Aiden that his time was nearing to an end here at Hogwarts? The thought immediately would give him an ample amount of anxiety in the pit of his stomach and even had him chewing on his fingernails like a child. Maybe that was all that he was, a child and one without a future ahead of him except a reputation with someone with little regard for the rules and most likely to end up arrested right out of adulthood. Was this his legacy? There were others with more infamous reasons to be known such as their name and heritage and others that had earned whatever words were said about them and to be carried for time afterwards. He was not a Prefect, not the Head Boy, did not have stellar grades and couldn't even play on the Quidditch Team. Was this 'rebel' persona that people had spoken about him about what he was really turning into? This was not who he had imagined he would be when he first stepped foot on the train at the age of eleven and he wasn't sure if he was disappointing or not. If anything he would man the bar in Hogsmeade or some other obscure Bar in London if he didn't want to stay nearby, what had he done with his life? The mess of thoughts in his mind almost got him caught by patrols in the hallways of the now dark castle of Hogwarts. The past few weeks merely a blur in his mind of classes, late nights and eating breakfast during lunch. Despite the vast space inside the castle he felt so trapped and cooped up inside of here as if claustraphobia was setteling in and it was driving him insane.

Turning a corner and looking both ways for any figures he slipped his hands in his pockets and made his way toward the front of the castle where he could escape outside and into the open air that would help him settle down. There was this anger building up inside of him and it was unsettling because he didn't know to whom to direct it to besides himself and it made him more angry that only preson he could blame for his life thus far was himself. Then again he could play the parent card, his father had knocked up his mother after a night of fun and there was Aiden. His mother hardly had the mother gene in her and would have preferred not to have a child when she did and end up perpetually stuck and to Aiden he only felt she stayed in some moral sense of duty, much like a father would versus a mother. His father was a great man, bless him, a he did alright by his son and Aiden would always be grateful but there was always this lingering sense of it was his fault. Aiden's fault that they were unhappy, they did not love each other and had hoped for different lives. Did they even care that their son was doing nothing for himself and slowly slipping into this dark hole of depression that he mentally created for himself thinking over and over again about the same thing and washing it away temporarily with firewhiskey and potions and whatnot. Distracting himself from real emotion and connections with real people and intimicy with midnight flings and meaningless physical relationships instead of looking for that one person to balance him. If anything he never pushed, never forced anyone to want to be with him and maybe that was the problem.

Stepping outside he felt the clean air hit his face and he took a deep breath letting it fill his lungs and letting it escape again. It was relaxing, the wide open spaces of the grounds and the clear sky dotted with the stories of the past in constellations all over the night sky. As he walked in no particular direction he stopped suddenly, hearing sounds that were not of nature but of a person and in this light he probably would have tripped over them in the dark. Stepping closer he wondered if they had heard him, a boy lay on the ground and was enjoying the night as he had been, maybe he had something on his mind as well. In these midnight walks he often ran into other students or other troublemakers such as himself, but on the grounds was rare. Hello? Honestly the last new person he had run into that wasn't a regular in his eyes was Albus and that night had ended rather pleasantly though they had hardly spoken after that. If anything it had opened his eyes for a moment, seeing someone be so open with him and hardly know him, even trust him in those moments of intoxication and then share that night with him. It gave him some hope that maybe a girl or a boy would look at him and want to be with him for who he was versus what they thought he was, another damaged soul that needed healing and needed love but didn't know how to open like that because all they had experienced was pain. Was that too much to ask for? Who's there? Aiden walked forward and enough to where he could try to see the face in front of him, but wasn't terribly far away so they could still see him.

---

lyrics: next year - two door cinema club
words: 912
notes:
credit: to vanessa!

walk. out. of. this. darkness

WITH NO SENSE OF REGRET

The stars in the sky always reminded him of being back home. The way he used to lay out in his back yard with his father, and all the memories under the dark sky. It was hard dealing with coping with a loss of a parent, when every time you turned around there was something reminded you of those moments you longed to relive. It was hard to imagine living without the support of both of his parents, the harsh dose of reality had him on edge, but it would have been worst. Albus was well aware someone always had it worst in the world, therefore he was grateful for every moment he did have with his father. Taking such a gift for granted wasn't in his heart, and deep down he knew some kids didn't have parents. Albus grew up in a pretty wealthy home, with good friends, great siblings and both parents. Knowing this was what kept him sane. The night was beautiful, and normally if he felt safe he'd talk to himself but at the moment it was best to remain quiet. Silent thoughts were what occupied his mind.

The sound of another's voice, caused him to wake from his dazed thought state and he froze for a moment. Normally he'd be a smart ass and just respond with something sarcastic, but he was trying to match voices in his head. Albus had a photogenic memory, therefore he'd place a voice to a face if ever he had talked to the person long enough. Albus sat up and looked behind him seeing Aiden. Automatically his cheeks tinted pink with his first thoughts, and he cleared his throat. "Aiden, it's Albus come here." Albus said just loud enough so he wouldn't cause a disruption in the quiet night. It wasn't time to be loud, but he could use some company. The night he shared with Aiden made him realize he wasn't just one to do things for the hell of it. Somewhere it hurt him deep down, walking away that morning. Albus was far from in love, but he wished for so much more. Longing for love was something he was used to, it always had been. The boy who shut everyone out, and could handle himself was merely that by the fact he couldn't face reality. Forced to grow up, forced to be mature because he was always the wisest of the Potter kin. Living up the expectations, and always putting work in front of play.

When the boy joined him he smirked, he wasn't quite sure what he wanted to say but he spoke. "How have you been, it's been a while, yeah?" Albus asked, he was sure one of his room mates would have notice his absence. Although he wasn't sure if he wanted to talk about what sent him off in the first place. All those nights of crying himself to sleep finally built up, and he was left with the help he needed. An escape from pressure, and the social phobias of school. It was odd but he hadn't felt awkward about anything that had happened between the two. How inviting he was proved just that. "I thought I was the only one who came out at this hour to see the stars, your welcome to star gaze with me Aiden." Albus offered with a polite smile. Naturally he was curious about the older boy, and the mysteries that made up Aiden Vaisey, but he never tried to pry too much. There was something different about the boy tonight though. "You look as if you have something on your mind, a penny for your thoughts?" Everyone needed someone to be there for them, and with Albus' confidence intact, he thought he'd try to extend a hand in friendship.

- - - - - - - - - -
and i go with a clear conscience

TAGGED;;Aiden Vaisey
WORD COUNT;;635
LYRICS;;[/color]Kelly Clarkson - Low
CREDITS;;[/color]Moi!
NOTES;;[/color] :]
[/size][/font]

With Albus' recent attendance he would have thought it was a ghost. It was no secret that there were events that had affected Albus and he wondered if that was the culprit, however he can say he missed him just as he would any other friend in his life. Aiden had no siblings and therefore his friends became his family and their missing presences were duly noted. The figure in the dark quickly responded to him and he recognized his voice as he had recognized Aiden. Where had this boy been? And what was he doing skimping out on his Prefect duties, there seemed to have been a corner turned here as he wondered what his friend was rebelling from and what was going on. It was unsettling for Aiden not to know what was going on, not that he knew one hundred percent all the time but he knew enough to be well informed and could probably write the gossip column for Hogwarts. It was those people like Albus that made him rethink his thoughts on his parents, but it was hard to change that opinion. Would it make a different if his mother was dead? He certainly didn't want to lose his father because he raised him pretty much, the other one was more of a figure head who carried him for 9 months and that was that. But, he could be grateful that she was alive, he didn't know that he wanted to give her that satisfaction. The woman was borderline crazy and he wanted nothing to do with someone that resented his existence.

If I didn't know better I'd say you were a ghost. Aiden responded to Albus, there had been a significant period of time between their last meeting and he wondered what was in store for tonight as he would let Albus decide not wanting to make any assumptions. Walking over he sat down near Albus so that he could face him but still look away and hide if he needed to. As of late his emotions had been written clearly on his face and he didn't like that type of vulnerability that it showed and made him feel open to people he didn't want to be open with. There were a select few that got to venture into the mind of Aiden and he was selective because he sometimes had trouble wondering who he could count on and whom he couldn't. I just needed some fresh air, that's all. Star gazing was a bit overrated but the fresh and crisp night air was what he sought and the stars were merely something for his eyes to stay fixated on while his mind went astray. But, Albus interrupted his quickly wandering mind by asking him a question. It reminded him of that last night and how he would ask him questions and he would turn it away from him as he didn't want to answer them. Even then he didn't want to answer them, but even in the dark it was obvious that something was weighing heavy on his mind. The thought of Graduation was frightening and the real world that would not accept him because he didn't meet their standards, that was his own fault and only brought him anger. Suddenly, the spiral started but when had it really started?

That obvious? Did he trust Albus? He hardly seemed the type to go share somebody's secrets with someone else, Aiden was like a safe and didn't share what information was not rightfully his own. Just thinking about a lot of things, that's all. Maybe he would elaborate, but he wasn't even sure where to start and then he would get mixed up and he didn't like that because it made him more confused in the end. What about yourself? Skipping Prefect duties, I'm assuming. That doesn't seem like you. Then again that was mainly an assumption, what did he really know about Albus Potter and he hoped he wouldn't get mad at his assumption but it was the appearance that had been shown on display for the past six years so what else did he have to base on? Just as even if Aiden wanted to get his act together he seriously doubted that anyone would take him seriously, he probably didn't even take himself seriously about it. Habits die hard and so did how you went about your life. Do you think it's possible for people to just change who they are? Even if everyone already has the wrong idea? People had this image of Aiden Vaisey and he knew the truth, being misunderstood was just his life.

---

lyrics: next year - two door cinema club
words: 776
notes:
credit: to vanessa!

walk. out. of. this. darkness

WITH NO SENSE OF REGRET

It had been a few good long weeks since he had even thought of all he missed at Hogwarts. Albus was well aware he head friends, and he could put Aiden in that category, of those he missed. Despite everything that happened, and the crush he developed he knew there was a friendship to lean on. Albus was fully content with that, as long as things were not awkward. Albus had always been an awkward child, he'd ever amount to being as friendly as Lily, and never amount to being as popular as James. Albus was the odd ball of the family, but when he did make a friend, he learned to keep them close. The massive family he had, he had always strayed away from therefore his friends became his family. Albus was even teased amongst his family, for being the only one to get sorted into Slytherin house, unique as he liked to view it, but highly uncommon. Albus' father may have been placed there once upon a time. Yet he asked to be placed in Gryffindor. This often puzzled the middle Potter to why his father was so assertive his first year, on letting the hat sort him. James in his ear the whole ride to Kings Cross station, about how he'd be placed in the bloody house. Then finally, he didn't object to the hat's reading, and here he was. Though it was one of his most happiest moment with he father, it still puzzled him. His thought went off into the night when Aiden finally joined him.

A ghost? Albus smirked and shook his head. "Has it really been that long?" Albus asked chewing the inside of his cheek. Albus had failed to think about time when recovering from his episodes. As far as he knew, when he was better he'd leave. The rumors were bound to happen, but he'd shake them off. Albus didn't really care what others thought, it was none of their business where he was, and what he was doing. Those who he was close to, he'd have no problem opening up. That was always how it had been, ever since he was found to have the illness. The boy's trauma just added on to it all, making things harder. Hence he had his space and could think clearly when he was surrounded by pressure. Aiden just had a look on his face that concerned him, even with him speaking of needing air. Albus could respect the boy's closed off attitude, if he needed Albus, he would ask. Albus wondered what type of things Aiden was thinking of, but before he could ask Aiden played his normal cared of switching the attention on him. "If you didn't notice I've been gone for a bit. it's not exactly easy just jumping back into those duties. I guess I just didn't want to overwhelm myself." Albus said, it was an honest answer. Not that he'd open up more then he should, because he felt his attention should be elsewhere.

The night's silence filled the air for the moment and he looked over at the boy. As his eyes adjusted, he caught a question. Albus took a moment to think of how to answer that properly. Did Aiden want to change himself? With graduation so close, and all that was going on if he wanted to succeed he'd get his act together. "The way I see it may be selfish, but who cares. If someone wants to change to better themselves, it shouldn't matter what other people think." Albus stated, he had felt to better himself, knowing he could come back and people would treat him differently. "Sometimes what you feel deep down is the right thing, and if no one supports your happiness, then the hell with them." Albus admitted bluntly. It had always been this way, he wasn't one to over think what others thought. If Albus lived by what others wanted him to do, he'd still be a quite little book worm with no social life. "Growing as a person is important, with age comes responsibilities, it's just when you're ready to accept those responsibilities." He said rubbing Aiden's arm. He was trying provide comfort, but he wasn't sure it was a good idea so he stopped. Albus cleared his throat, he was a little nervous now that he wasn't intoxicated but he tried to remain strong with wisdom. "There's nothing in this world, that you can't be, if you want it enough." That was it for now, he'd let Aiden take in those words and rebuttal.

- - - - - - - - - -
and i go with a clear conscience

TAGGED;;Aiden Vaisey
WORD COUNT;;766
LYRICS;;[/color]Kelly Clarkson - Low
CREDITS;;[/color]Moi!
NOTES;;[/color] That one was kind of deep <3
[/size][/font]

Whenever Aiden had these experiences with other people sometimes things were fine and they moved on and sometimes the situation got awkward and beyond his control in that sense. For what it was worth Aiden rarely ever got awkward and was able to look past things like that. If he ever did he would use that as an indicator for himself to really see what the situation held and maybe there was more to it, but that was very rare and he never really thought about it. Again, he could blame his parents relationship. Most people used their parents marriage or relationship as the status quo for what they were to achieve in their own personal lives, and all he had was a fake marriage built on the fact of two young adults in the prime of their hedonistic years and he was the consequence, he certainly hoped that he would never end up in that situation but he never wanted to turn into them if it did end up like that. With that, he could be envious of Albus of what his parents had before his untimely death. Two people that genuinely loved one another and produced three children out of that and to share. He couldn't image the pain that must have been to lose a parent, he didn't know how he would honestly respond if one of his own was to not be there the next day. It wasn't something he thought about often, not that he wished harm on them but he sometimes felt like he would have been better off put put up for adoption then with people that didn't want him. When Albus responded it made him more curious about what had really transpired over the past few weeks that had required his absence from school. From what he remembered he had been a little off put about missing one morning class after their night spent together.

Yes. And i'm not the only one that's noticed. It had certainly been the talk of the town for a while and he had grown weary of hearing it all the time. He could only imagine what those closest to him were saying or the questions that James must have been receiving about that from everyone. Suddenly, something happens and the boy that was known but hardly received attention was the most popular boy in school and the most talked about. It was sad how it ended up that way and it shouldn't have been, there had to be a way to be noticed without that infamy attached. Aiden knew that he was a bit biased on that, he suffered from that and he didn't want his friend here to get caught in that net either. Have you gotten a lot of questions since you been back? It was odd not seeing him at some point roaming the halls even if he didn't appear or speak to him all the time, it ruined his routine and he didn't like that. And he had a point, no point in jumping back into an old routine now, sometimes it was a good plant to start a new one or find something new. So no detention for me again? You must be my lucky charm. Aiden smirked, then again he had just gotten on Albus' good side he supposed. For what it was worth he didn't judge him or try to be fake for whatever reason. Some people were still stuck on that Potter fame that they thought was going to get them somewhere but that was hardly how it worked nowadays.

Again he found his mind drifting away to his previous thoughts and it was unnerving that he couldn't block them out like he used to be able to. Maybe they had just built up enough pressure to where he just lost control over them and he didn't that feeling of not being able to control the variables around you or at least the ones that you cared about. Albus' words were true and he knew that but for some reason he couldn't absorb them. What did he care what people thought or assumed of him, maybe he did care and that's why he felt stuck. Really, his life had no direction and slowly if he kept at this pace it would lose it's value even to himself. Even when his had was on his arm he left it there as he felt the comfort, maybe this boy could give him more advice than he thought he could. I just... How did he word this? And better yet, what had overcome him to even open up at all. With some of his closest he sometimes didn't share these things and left them inside to fester and bother him later. It was a terrible cycle but that was just him. I'm going to graduate and probably go bartend or something. I have nothing going for me. Truth be told he ruined his only opportunity, Quidditch with his temper. The last fight he'd knocked out the opposing team member and gotten kicked out of Quidditch by his captain and then altogether by the staff but he had been an excellent player. Now what? I had Quidditch, and I lost that. That was another source of anger and really he didn't know where the rest of it came from.

---

lyrics: next year - two door cinema club
words: 897
notes:
credit: to vanessa!

walk. out. of. this. darkness

WITH NO SENSE OF REGRET

Albus couldn't imagine not having everything mapped out in his life. From an early age he had dreams, and through the years he set goals for himself. Albus was ambitious to keep his grades at the top of his class, and dedicated to his hard work. The thought of not progressing in life was scary. There was always a strategy he set for himself, and with all this he had direction in life. Albus always wanted to make his father proud of him, weather he became a professor, or an auror he knew his father would be happy. Overall Harry would want his son to be happy, and that was motivation alone to succeed. Albus wasn't quite sure how Aiden's support system was at home. Didn't the boy's parents care about, all the detention he served? Albus wondered, but he wouldn't judge the boy if he didn't have positive influences in his family. Even if Aiden said he was a rebel without a cause, there had to be some logic when it came to rebelling. Children didn't just act out for no reason after all. If the boy didn't have a worthy support system, Albus would be that for him. It was the least he could do as a friend, and he made up his mind.

Albus needed his space and time away from school. He wasn't quite sure Aiden could handle the realities of his actions. Albus always feared people you judge him, even his own family. Only his best friend understood his scars and why he resorted to self harm when he was manic. Albus warned Aiden the night they shared his mind was a scary place, but he didn't know how to put that in perspective. Then if he did, what would Aiden think of him. Albus didn't care what people thought most of the time, it was mostly his friends he actually was concerned about when it came to judging him. What they thought, and how they would treat him. Albus could handle his own, he didn't need to be treated more delicate due to mood swings. He could control it for the most part, but when triggered by too many things it would get out of hand. When Aiden confirmed he wasn't the only him that noticed his absence. "Well then I guess I need to be around so the school doesn't worry about me huh?" Honestly he could care less of who missed him when he was away. There was a reason he was sent away, and that time was his own. To clear his mind of anxiety and fear. "I guess I've only been back a few hours, I've got a couple questions...but it's not like people would understand if I tried to explain. Then, there is always that thought of what if they pick at me for my reasoning, and I end up back there." Straying into his negative thought he tried to focus else where.

Albus hoped he didn't sound hypocritical after telling Aiden not to care what people thought. His situation was a bit different but he'd add to it to seem more genuine. "I mean I don't care what people think of me, it's more along the lines, of what my mind does to my self esteem. Then my thoughts over power me, and I end up being sent away." Albus finished with his over all image of what he was trying to say, without saying it. Naturally he was blunt, but his mental health was to be treated with care. No one wanted to be friends with the crazy kid, but was it really that bad. Sanity lay on his heavy, but sometimes he'd lose himself. Albus didn't need to explain what being sent away meant unless Aiden really wanted to know. If the older boy did, he would just ask right. Or he could look for signs of it on Albus' person. The marks were there, as well as past scars. He could always piece together a picture for himself. Albus let his mind slow down, and he felt a calming when the subject was changed. Detention, Albus smirked. "Unless you would like a detention Mr. Vaisey, that can always be arranged if you're a bad boy." Albus teased biting his bottom lip, what he thought to be sexy. He needed to slow down on his flirtatiousness, while trying to have a serious conversation. It seemed to lighten the mood slightly.

Back on the topic of excelling in life Albus let Aiden have his time to think on his words. Albus was wise and encouraging toward the older boy, and with his words he spoke from the heart. As he thought earlier, a friend was anything that person needed at the time. A supporter, a conscious, someone that cared for him, anything Aiden needed. When the boy spoke of having nothing going on for him Albus frowned. How could he help that with N.E.W.Ts so close. When he spoke of having quidditch once upon a time Albus shook his head. "Just because you got kicked off the team doesn't make you any less of a player. I remember a bit back, I would fan girl in those stands cheering for you. You were amazing out there, just because you got kicked off the school team doesn't mean you're not talented Aiden. You need to believe in yourself." Albus explained with a genuine smile. He didn't see how Aiden could be so confident a couple weeks back, and now seem so down on himself. "If you were serious about wanting to do more with your life I could help you." Albus said softly. He didn't want Aiden to jump to conclusions and think he was being sympathetic or soft on him. "It won't be easy, and I assure you, I am a dick of a teacher. But I could tutor you for your exams, only if you're serious about wanting to make something more of yourself." Albus offered. Normally he wasn't so nice, he only help tutor for extra credit for himself. This was a selfless act because he didn't want Aiden to feel like he had no option in life. A true friend would offer his hand, as Albus was. It was just a matter of pride, and would Aiden accept his kindness, and not see it as him trying to show him sympathy.

- - - - - - - - - -
and i go with a clear conscience

TAGGED;;Aiden Vaisey
WORD COUNT;;1071
LYRICS;;[/color]Kelly Clarkson - Low
CREDITS;;[/color]Moi!
NOTES;;[/color] :]
[/size][/font]

Aiden had never been taught to have big dreams and big goals. If anything as a child he was always turned away when seeking for attention, whether it was a picture he had drawn with crayons or something built out of building blocks his mother always waved him off and his father was always exhausted from his long hours at work. After a while he had just learned to stop trying and to not really worry about what they thought or anybody else for that matter. Truth be told he had found himself becoming increasingly angry and was prone to tantrums in grade school and his teachers would always comment on the testy nature of such a young boy. It all built up inside of him, and though it rarely did explode it did and not with great consequences at all. Even in the present it was building up again and the added anxiety of graduation looming was making it a considerably dangerous explosion. Albus was lucky, even if his father was no longer with the living, he was lucky because his entire life up until now he had parents that paid attention to him and cared about his opinion and well-being. They cared enough to care for him during his ill times and support his every decision whether he changed his mind the next. He was lucky because he had a family, siblings and this whole feeling that was probably no longer there but Aiden always had that void in his chest and he didn't know what it felt like to really belong, even his reputation at the school ostracized him some and he was growing increasingly tired of it.

Judgement, it was a terrible weight to place on anyone's shoulders that was not fit enough to handle it, let alone some of their age or younger. Aiden had grown a thick skin to it, but he knew Albus was more sensitive to it hence he was careful with his words unless specific honesty was requested. Well, it's not quite Hogwarts if a Potter isn't around. That was meant as a compliment, that Harry Potter started this age of expanded information to the young and willing minds of Hogwarts and created this ambition in these students to strive for something greater and not be stuck by boundaries. It was a shame that most were average as Aiden was, but having a Potter around was a good reminder of what was possible if your heart was behind something and your determination unwavering. It was a name on that list of notable names that were famous now in this generation for their contributions to the Wizarding World. If Albus didn't want to explain where he had been then he didn't have to, Aiden certainly wasn't going to pry because he didn't know the reaction that he would get. It wasn't his job to pry and he wasn't going to be liable for angry kids just because he got a bit curious on some information. In due time, it would reveal itself. For a boy with such an easy temper he had quite the patience in some areas. Funny how that worked. The mind is a dangerous place. It takes a simple statement and turns it into the end of the world... He trailed off, it was true. You take something somebody said offhand and as it simmered and was tossed and turned around in your mind it finally turned into something that was only created to hurt you.

Was that what had happened to Albus? Thoughts in his mind turned and turned around and created into something self-destructive? It wouldn't be the first time he had seen this but he felt that it was unfortunate for it to have happened to him. Nobody should be put through that mental obstacle course from hell. Whether or not that statement in itself opened the door to more details he just wouldn't ask, he didn't feel right asking right now. Aiden smirked, that came out of nowhere but he couldn't say that he minded. He knew that Albus was there under all those layers, the one that could be flirty and a bit seductive and wasn't afraid to be like that sober. It was in everyone, even in every 'goodie-two-shoes' was a rebel waiting to be released and once it was it was like a breath of fresh air that was invigorating and enlightening. Only if the detention is with you. Two could play at that game. However, knowing his luck and being assigned a detention he would spend it with a head of house or his own head of house or somebody worse than that if there was one. They didn't seem to like him very much and he couldn't understand why, he was a nice guy. He had to laugh though at the image of Albus being a fan girl for the Slytherin Quidditch Team, though there were a handful of pretty boys on there. Malfoy, Pucey just to name a couple though each with their own personality flaws. What if it's too late to change. I hardly have time to change seven years of bad habits. Maybe he would just tend a bar or go play Quidditch, do something until he got injured and threw his life away.

You know... Albus would no doubt ask him why he didn't try, why not just accept his help and there was a reason behind that. He had never been taught to beileve in himself, and at his age it was hard to change though it would be harder as he got older. It's hard to feel like you are worth something when you've been treated like a mistake your entire life. And that was the truth, his mother didn't want him and he wished she was dead. Even his father he loved more but almost felt like a burden. It was just easier if he hadn't existed and they could have gone with their lives and been actually happy. Aiden had never seen anybody in his family actually happy, if you could even call it a family.

---

lyrics: next year - two door cinema club
words: 1024
notes:
credit: to vanessa!

walk. out. of. this. darkness

WITH NO SENSE OF REGRET

Everything in life had been pretty easy. Living in a home with a healthy family, who was warm and caring made things easy he guessed. Though Albus would never admit it to himself, he did need every single one of them. His father was his rock, his mother did love him unconditionally, even if he protested the thought. Lily balanced out his negative moods with her optimistic nature, and James would always be there to talk him into having fun. Albus had worked very hard to become the prized young man he was, and there he was constantly tearing himself down. Someone had to have it worst then him, and he hadn't always been one to see past his own thickness. Albus was a high achiever, but what was it all if you didn't have anyone to share it with. All the grades to show off, if no one was there telling you what a great job you did, would they matter? Albus wasn't always grateful, but he wasn't as spoiled as some may think. Living deep under your big brother's reputation, and trying to peek through was not easy. Being the middle child he wouldn't always get the attention he deserved. Then add in the factor he was odd, and didn't like to play as a child. Harry always made that easier for Albus though, so losing him was hardest because he never connected with his family members like his father. In all reality he still should have been more grateful to come from a loving family.

Hogwarts wouldn't be the fine school it was without a Potter, Albus smirked at Aiden's hidden compliment. His surname had went very far, and he knew it wouldn't be Hogwarts without everyone that made it up. Including the boy that sat beside him. Aiden may have been a trouble maker, and maybe he was a bit nasty to some of the prefects, but without a student like him, there would be no reason for law. The prefects of the school would be bored, so even bad boys evened out the school. Albus Potter, himself knew he liked the challenge of dealing with students like Aiden. Albus did make sure the boy made it back to the dorm on occasion. He started to care, he didn't know why but he wanted to. It was his choice and his alone to be friends with his boy. As it was his choice to offer to listen, and help if he needed it. When Aiden spoke of the mind being a dangerous place he nodded hesitantly. The boy's own mind blew everything up into these huge problems, and it would cause him to over think, and lead to mania. He wasn't sure talking about it right now was good, with him just being back. Yet if he and Aiden became better friends, perhaps he could speak on the matter. Albus was open about most things, he just didn't want anyone to think he was pathetic for self destructive, and insecure. Albus would eventually get there, but he needed always need to be the center of attention when it came to he, and Aiden's talks. He wanted to learn about him as well. Wasn't that what friendship was, learning about each other, and accepting that very person? Ups, and downs good and bad times?

"Indeed, especially when a a few negative things are all you can think about. They can consume you." Albus added on to the topic of dangerous minds. After realizing he was fine, and he was just having a casual conversation he got a little flirt with Aiden. Albus didn't really see harm in lightening the mood. When Aiden agreed to attention only if Albus was there he scrunched his nose adorably and gave a small lopsided smile. "But..but I'd much rather skip the whole detention part, and go with my initial idea." Albus pouted. Watching Aiden be a bad boy seemed to be the perk to the situation, detention was the down fall. Albus remembered his first time in detention with Ben. It was very sad, and he remember a couple weeks prior he was boasting to Jack and Frankie, in the student lounge that he never had it. Merlin, he jinxed himself. Albus also served detention after skipping class the morning after he hooked up with Aiden, it what the price of being attracted the those types, he was sure.

Albus quirked his eyebrow at Aiden's words and shook his head. "It's never too late to change, you need to change your attitude before you can change your bad habits though." Albus explained. If Aiden was going to keep downing the idea then he'd convince himself he couldn't change. Albus wanted to prove to him he wasn't going to fail in life, yet if the boy's self esteem was this shot in the category of changing for the better it was going to be more difficult then he anticipated. Albus gave Aiden his full attention when he started to speak, the words didn't follow but only moments later but he didn't want to believe what he heard. Albus wanted to pull Aiden into a hug, was his life that rash dose of reality. What did he deal with at home, and who the hell, in Merlin's name, was making his friend feel that way? Disbelief, then anger, then protectiveness filled him all at once. Albus looked over and reached for Aiden's hand. He would have held him, or cuddled but it was time to give him a bit of space. Taking his hand was even pushing it at this point. "You know even if someone you cared about treated you that way, and made you believe that you are a mistake, only you can prove them wrong. Not that you need to prove yourself to anyone because every man has his self worth, weather we have approval or not. But you should want to do it for you." Albus said softly. He felt for the boy more then before, not sympathy, but he tried to understand. Albus felt more then selfish for not accepting the love of his family now. "You can't be a mistake because everyone has purpose in life, just because things hurt and don't make sense right this moment, doesn't mean they never will." Albus explain trying to allow Aiden to process his words. It must have been a lot to come to the point where he could actually admit something like that. "I believe in you." Albus whispered. If he didn't he wouldn't have offered to help. Perhaps all Aiden needed was someone to help him where he was broken. Someone to be there.

- - - - - - - - - -
and i go with a clear conscience

TAGGED;;Aiden Vaisey
WORD COUNT;;1117
LYRICS;;[/color]Kelly Clarkson - Low
CREDITS;;[/color]Moi!
NOTES;;[/color]
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Aiden would never admit, but he was wholeheartedly jealous that Albus had siblings and he didn't, all this torment would have been so much easier knowing that he wasn't the only accident or regret of his parents and he could share the burden with another. But beyond that it was the simple principle of having a younger brother or sister would have given him a sense of purpose, playing the missing parental figure in their life that their mother had not given him and his father overworked himself to support a family he had gained on accident. When Aiden would think of these little thoughts he stayed tuned into whatever his companion was saying but at the same time lose himself in thoughts for a moment or two, he couldn't help it and maybe as he stared at the dark grass in front of him he seemed dazed until he decided to come back to reality and into the present where the world was nothing compared to what it was in his head. Constant praise was not something that he sought from his parents, to be told that he was a good little boy and whatnot, but just some kind of sign that they cared about his existence and that the love was unconditional because it felt fake and even some kind of pride that he was going to graduate and seem hopeful about his future unlike the hope he didn't have for himself. His dark and quiet demeanor was hiding demons that he often would just drown out with hedonistic nights, meaningless sex and drinking to get drunk. The pain became numb and he became distracted and yet he was bleeding out the whole time.

These infamous names that lingered around the halls, the decedents of the Heroes of the Wizarding World were under pressure and he didn't envy that, though with the right environment that pressure could be turned into greatness though some were lead to paths of self-destruction instead and were destroyed with such lime lights. Was that what happened to Albus? Aiden didn't quite feel right asking exactly what had happened but as someone with his own demons he could only imagine what it was like to be THE son of Harry Potter and have to deal with that. James used his popularity to boost his ego and shamelessly do so, Albus was a lot more sensitive from what he had seen and experienced and his ego was not a problem from what he could tell. Aiden was hardly a saint when it came to judgment, he had his first impressions and thoughts of his fellow classmates and had been proven wrong on occasion but it was his mechanism with dealing how people perceived him, he couldn't understand people's obsession with their image and how the world perceived them or experienced them and he just went on his way and maybe even wore the hat that was given to him by his fellow students and became what they thought he was. I think it's just easy to over think it and the more it lingers in your mind the larger the thought grows and eventually just consumes everything... Aiden trailed off, absent-mindedly picking at the grass next to his leg, it was cold and matched the evening weather though it did not bother him.

Over thinking was a common teenage problem and wasn't limited to certain individuals. Certain people, however, had a better handle on controlling what they let affect them and Aiden was not one of those people. His own thoughts were his worst enemy while the thoughts and statements of others he could care less about and that was what confused him. Aiden smirked, his thoughts having almost taken him away from the entire conversation, hopefully he didn't seem too distracted as he did not want to be rude to the one person that seemed willing to listen to him and not pretend to. Nothing like a man who takes charge. Aiden would appear to be the one who would give the direction in that type of situation mainly on experience, but there was something about that shy fellow that became the leader and took charge that was enticing and with him being the submissive, there were not many dominant characters sometimes and the rarity made it that much more thrilling. Last time they had seemed on the same page though while Albus did do the leading it was because Aiden had held back for fear of scaring the boy off, the vulnerability he had shared with him was something special and not to be toyed with and had Aiden had less of a conscience he would not have even cared. Like something James Potter would do and something he personally detested. Attitude, such an important word and yet so many did not know what it meant. Even Aiden was unclear and while it had to change he wasn't sure how you changed seventeen years of a habit or thought process. In his mind he had kind of already given up, so the battle was even more uphill.

Aiden didn't say anything and Albus spoke again after a brief pause. I know, you're right. But, I guess I just don't feel like I have a reason to try. I have nowhere to pull motivation from. Aiden didn't quite know how to put it in words what he felt or how empty the feeling to try was overall. It wasn't his fault, he was just like that. Even if he wanted to try not three seconds later he had already convinced himself of failure and he didn't like to fail. The fear was overwhelming on that because he didn't want to sink any further into the hole he lived in and where he just sat at the bottom waiting to die. Again Albus continued to put his two cents in and after a last pause and another four words he looked up at him. Such a powerful set of words and his initial reaction was to doubt it because words were easily just said and thrown around. But, did he really mean that? Why? Aiden didn't want to seem ungrateful, but it was hardly as if it as two long time best friends speaking, Albus did not really know him that well so what was his basis for throwing those words at him? Empty encouragement? There was no anger only questions and Aiden just didn't want one more person that he used to lean on for support just crumble underneath his weight or just leave him to fall. How can you believe in me if you don't even know me? Was it bad to ask for clarification? Or maybe he was just getting defensive.

---

lyrics: next year - two door cinema club
words: 1129
notes:
credit: to vanessa!

walk. out. of. this. darkness

WITH NO SENSE OF REGRET

Somewhere deep down he sort of felt selfish for taking all he had for granted. There were wizards like the one beside him, that didn't have such a great family, and there was Albus, pushing his own away constantly. He didn't like the attention, he wasn't like his brother. Albus even had mixed emotions about being a Potter, it always felt like he'd never amount to what his father, or grand father, or even his brother would be in life. The pressure alone was hard, and Albus didn't like feeling that weight. Albus wasn't brave and he didn't have great confidence when it came to most things outside of the class room. Knowledge could only take you so far before you were faced with something that required diligence, nerve or bronze. Albus even lacked patients, he was far from what was expected from a Potter. Albus found his mind constantly dancing between good and bad, but he could never grasp on to one. He was the one place in Slytherin, and not a soul didn't not remind him of that fact. Albus was sure there were people in his house that were not placed with good intentions, and the more he pondered on it, the most he wondered how someone like him could stop such a thing. Albus wasn't his father, he wasn't risky or brave enough to contribute to fighting for such a large cause. When he reminded himself of these facts it broke him inside. The one man he loved with all he was, wouldn't be proud of him for not holding these traits. It was always like Harry to push Albus into sticking up for himself, but he didn't see the need to. Harry had tried to mold his middle son accordingly, but Albus failed. He couldn't even try to avenge his father because he was too broken inside to even care, eventually wanting to let it all end.

Albus closed his eyes for a moment while the silence set in, he could tell Aiden was deep in thought as well. Two broken souls with not much faith in themselves. Aiden had confidence where Albus didn't, Albus was insecure about his appearance, where Aiden wasn't. Then Albus was highly proud of his grades and studying habits where, Aiden thought he was destine to become a bar tender. Albus knew Aiden was smarter then that, he knew the boy just didn't feel the sense anyone cares, so he didn't care to try for himself. Albus didn't like seeing him like that, it hurt Albus because he really did think Aiden was amazing. Not because they had a fling, or because Albus had a crush on the boy those would be silly reasons. But because there was so much pain, and so much negative experience, that Albus wanted to take away. Albus was selfish, he knew but and he didn't know why he wanted Aiden's pain to stop, but he did. It didn't effect him, but he wanted to be there. Albus knew everything in life happened for a reason, and as closed off as Aiden was, he was strong because of what he did endure.

Albus had given a small part of himself to Aiden, weather the older boy knew it or not. Albus wasn't just one to jump in bed with someone, he needed to trust that person somewhere. Albus didn't hand out trust, but he took the situation and put it in Aiden's hands. Whatever happened that night, was just a way for Albus to judge the boy. Albus did know he was venerable drinking, but it was up to Aiden not to take advantage of that. That innocence about Albus, that not many still held dear to them, and Aiden didn't. The boy didn't hurt him, he treated him special even. If Albus could count how many times he saw a girl crying on his back porch because of his older brother, taking advantage of such a tender situation, he'd certainly lose track. Those emotions were special, and so were the tender moments leading up to them. Albus liked how Aiden let him lead that situation, though he didn't really feel like he was leading. More along the lines of control, and do what he felt comfortable with. Anyone else could have easily had their way. Albus knew that, but he trusted Aiden not to hurt him, and the boy didn't. It earned him a piece of Albus' heart even if it was friendly, for now. After waking up that next morning he left and took a long bath, and he actually was sad he wasn't still in bed with Aiden, feeling that closeness, and connecting in more then a fling like way. Albus had wanted to become his friend after that, even if that was all he could be, because Aiden had that piece of him.

Albus did manage to smirk when Aiden said there was nothing like a man who takes charge. Albus didn't mind allowing others to be in charge in certain situations, be he did need to feel comfortable for everything to end smoothly. The mood shifted when Albus began to try to convince Aiden he could change his old habits. Albus was very intelligent and logical, he could make sense of most things, and had a great judgment of circumstance. Even if he hadn't been in it himself, it was like he could read the pain, and analyze it. Aiden said he didn't have motivation, and no where to pull it from, and Albus looked down. "You alone are worth the effort Aiden." Albus stated. Al couldn't tell Aiden that Albus could be his motivation, because he wasn't important to the boy. Aiden didn't have siblings, and it seemed from what he was just told, Aiden's parents were not motivation either. Therefore if he wasn't in love, and had no one to share accomplish with, he needed to do it for himself. Albus told him, he'd help him, and he believed in the boy and when questioned his eyes dropped as he went into thought. Albus was then furthered told he didn't know Aiden, so why should be care. It was a question out of defense, and he could feel Aiden pushing him away, not wanting to hear those words, that someone could actually care for him. "I know I don't know you, but that doesn't mean I don't to. You just push me away when I try to get to get to know you..." Albus trailed off saddened at his own words, his tone honest but soft.

Albus didn't want this to be emotional for him, but he felt everything surfacing and he couldn't hold back anymore. Albus needed to come up with a logical reason why he wanted to believe in Aiden. He needed to understand himself, so he needed to be honest. Albus licked his lips and moved a little closer to the boy, looking up at him for eye contact. "Why? To be honest I could ask myself that all day and not come up with a permanent reason, but I'll give you all I do know." Albus said, swallowing his spit. Albus reached for Aiden's hand and didn't lose eye contact with the boy, as he lead the boy's hand to his wrist. Albus gently placed Aiden's finger tips over the scars that consumed him, and looked down to see what he was doing. Albus still couldn't believe he was opening up this much, but trust went both ways and this was something Aiden didn't know about him. He hoped it didn't freak the older boy out, but if it did, Albus could live with being a freak. He then let go of the boy's hand, and looked back to him. "I know what it feels like to give up on yourself, to become so hurt you don't want to try anymore." Albus told Aiden, his words were flowing from deep within him, he wasn't going to regret saying these things because he hoped they were on the same page. "Weather it's becoming self destructive like me. Or becoming so hurt you build up walls, and get consumed in the numbness of your mind, because you can't handle the truth." Albus said he knew what he was taking about. "I want to believe in you because you don't believe in yourself. I want to give you that encouragement you need, to get to the point where you can have faith in yourself." he admitted sincere. Not many people would take on that kind of burden, and that is why Al knew Aiden doubted him at first.

Albus knew Aiden was going to try to push him away initially going into the conversation, because he was hitting a soft spot. No bad boy, wanted to display a soft side if he didn't have to. "I don't understand why you have this pull on me, but you do. I trust you, you've given me no reason not to, so why not give me the same?" Albus asked, he didn't want to pry or seem desperate. "Or give me a chance to prove to you, my intentions are not to hurt you. Or give you false hope. I'm not like that." Albus told Aiden. He felt himself blush a bit, but it was dark so he hoped Aiden didn't pick up on it. "I know your special, and you just don't see it because you know nothing but pain and abandonment. And everything you've made yourself believe." Albus said, he'd feel really silly if Aiden didn't at least take his words seriously, may even push back. This was the risk in wearing your heart on your sleeve, you could always get hurt in doing so. "I want to get to know you. I'll believe in you weather you push me away or not, so it's best to allow me to willingly." Albus mused stubbornly. He smirked, he felt like he just got a whole bunch of emotion off his own chest, and he felt new lights which was nice after being in the darkness for the past few weeks. Now it was up to Aiden to feel, and respond to him.

- - - - - - - - - -
and i go with a clear conscience

TAGGED;;Aiden Vaisey
WORD COUNT;;1702
LYRICS;;[/color]Kelly Clarkson - Low
CREDITS;;[/color]Moi!
NOTES;;[/color] o.o
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