was that how we said goodbye << eva

Jackson was already exhausted and the last thing he really wanted to be doing was patrolling, although it had been a good week since he'd taken care of this duty. In general he patrolled very little anymore except covering Prefects when they were sick or had emergencies and such or when extra eyes were needed. At least on this floor he maintained a specific route because it was a small floor in general and he knew where the secret passages were for students to be sneaking around. However, very few that he knew of used them and he had heard stories of students over half a century ago that used to sneak around and never get caught. However, in this day and age with this many generations having passed it is almost impossible to get away with what they did back then. Jackson's hand rose to his collar where he loosened his tie, green and silver for his house colors and rolled down his sleeves to battle the chill. It wasn't terribly cold, though he was hardly cold and since he wasn't outside he was fine. He could remember having been a new fifth year Prefect and as the bottom of the food chain having to patrol outside in the winter, it was terrible however now that he was older and on the top he knew that he sure was not going to volunteer for that job. Instead he usually put the Hufflepuffs to it or the Gryffindor's when they gave him whatever attitude they knew was not their place.

The only sound so far was his own footsteps of his shoes and there was supposed to be another Prefect on this floor with him but he hadn't had a chance to check the schedule to know which one. Jack didn't have a problem with his Prefects, only one he avoided for the moment and that was something that he didn't feel was going to get a resolution anytime soon. In fact not even his best friend had known about that and even despite the length that it had drawn on. It had started out just as fun for them two, and for the months that had carried further and the hallways that did not get watched and patrolled they had never gotten caught and always found a way to ignore their duties and carry on. Jack had found his experience with women in the beginning of his fourth year and really it had not been that special for the boy, though now a man it wasn't something that bothered him at all and when he met this particular girl it was just another one of those convenient friendships of passion, where he got what he wanted and she did too by the scratch marks she had left on his back one time, a small trophy but it was something nonetheless. Jackson walked slowly and let out a small sigh, that was all over now just because he had decided to speak his mind. There wasn't much other proof besides the physical relationship but they got along well. They were friends in public already.

She hadn't wanted what he had sought, that they give it a chance at something real and let it grow and nurture that. It wasn't in her nature so why had he even asked? After that they had just needed that distance to let everything cool off, however he still thinks about it sometimes. Jack stopped for a moment, every now and then he would to just listen to his surroundings, it would let him know if anyone else was around. Usually the sound of patrolling footsteps made the students more careful and harder to catch. Jack just would wait and often they would walk right by him. In this case he leaned casually against the wall and crossed his arms, hopefully he wouldn't fall asleep. His mind had been gracious enough to be wide awake at night and give him insomnia and then keep him dull during the day.

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lyrics: What Goes Around - Justin Timberlake
words: 676
notes: ^.^

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Doing rounds was never something that bothered Eva. In fact, she enjoyed the time. Even though she usually patrolled with someone else, it gave her time to think and, at times, even be alone. Most of the time, her rounds resulted in nothing more than some exercise for her, though she did sometimes come across someone who was doing something they shouldn’t be doing. Those were usually some exciting times, even though she often found herself stuck between a rock and a hard place because it was usually someone she knew and was friends with, and she didn’t always like getting her friends into trouble. Truthfully, it depended on what they were doing if she would let them off with a warning or actually turn them in.

Tonight, she was patrolling with someone else, but she had no idea who it was. It was supposed to be with one of the Gryffindor prefects, if her memory serves correctly, but she found out last minute there had been a change because of some reason she wasn’t exactly sure of. They had probably gotten hurt or something, or sick, so she knew that one of the other prefects would be taking over for them. She didn’t care who, as she got along with just about every one of the prefects. The only one she tried to avoid was Jackson, though he wasn’t a prefect anymore, he was the Head Boy. Was it fair that she avoided him, probably not, but she wasn’t sure what to say to him anymore.

Ever since they called their secret whatever you want to call it quits, they haven’t had a proper conversation, or barely even looked one another in the eye since. She knew that most of it was her fault, but she couldn’t change what happened. She wouldn’t deny that she had had fun with him during their time together, and that she did miss him, but she wasn’t ready to settler herself down with one person yet. she wasn’t that sort of girl, something he’d known all along, even though that hadn’t stopped him from telling her that he wanted more from her than she was ready to give. That had been what stopped their clandestine meetings throughout the castle, and, on top of that, pretty much stopped all forms of communication between the two.

Even with the distance they have put between them and what they had once been, she couldn’t help but still think about it. It was hard not to, especially when they had to attend the same prefect meetings together or even whenever she saw him in passing or during a Quidditch match that she might attend. She usually kept her eyes averted from his, and did her best to not let it show that she couldn’t keep her mind off of him. She tried to alleviate that by spending more time with her closest friends and with other lovers that she had. What better way to get your mind off one person than by filling your time with another? She wasn’t going to let him get under her skin again.

She slowly made her way up the stairs from the sixth floor to the seventh, her thoughts now wandering to who the other prefect could be that she would be patrolling with. she was to meet whoever it was in the corridors of the seventh floor and, the moment her feet brought her into that corridor, she wanted nothing more than to turn on her heel and go back down to her dormitory. She saw a figure about halfway down the corridor, but no amount of distance between her and that figure would make her not know who it was. Jackson Pucey. She felt her entire insides start to squirm as she slowly began to make her way closer to where he stood. She hoped this night went smoothly.

“You’re the person I am patrolling with tonight?” she asked softly, her voice sounding uncharacteristically meek as she neared him. She didn’t like how unsure and afraid she sounded, and she was sure that he would pick up on her unnaturally fear-tainted tone. It wasn’t that she was afraid of jack herself, because she wasn’t, exactly. It was more that she was afraid of herself with him, since she hasn’t been this close to him, in a private setting, since their last encounter together, which was the night they had called their secret whatever they were to an end. She cleared her throat and forced a smile as she looked up at him. “I trust you’ve been well,” she said as she suddenly felt nervous standing there before him. She could do this; she had to do this.

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Jack really needed to stop thinking and get out of his head because strange things were beginning to happen. Either he was hallucinating because he had been thinking of her or she really had just appeared walking down the hall in his direction. At first he had turned to see who was there after hearing footsteps calmly approaching up the steps and turning the corner and stopping for a moment in a pause. She must have had the same thought he had or at least something in a similar realm. Well, wouldn't this be pleasantly awkward. The girl he had been formerly seeing and had wanted to make some commitment to that had turned him down because she wanted to just have fun. Not that he'd never given that excuse before, but being on the receiving end definitely made him reconsider ever using that one again. Jack hardly ever reached out to someone like that and to be rejected just had made him angry and withdrawn. Annabelle had noticed his change in attitude and nature for a bit but he hadn't ever discussed it with her or what Ms. West had been to him so even his best friend he left in the dark. Karma must be catching to me... After her rhetorical question that had an obvious answer. Jack could claim he had just been walking by, but he couldn't skip his duties tonight. Prefects were falling left and right with colds and such and the often missed a day or two of duties so he had to cover.

Was she feeling as he felt? Nervous and annoyed all at the same time. Though he couldn't imagine her feeling angry at all toward him, unless she felt as bitter as he did about breaking off whatever their relationship had been. Despite the fact that they had never agreed at all what it was supposed to be, what it was defined he still felt mad and hurt and he didn't like feeling that vulnerable at all, to anyone. Fantastic. He smiled, maybe even one you would find on a salesman. He'd hardly been fantastic, just slightly stressed and overworked and preparing to graduate finally and start over in the real world away from this petty drama and with adults who would behave with a level of maturity that he so desired around him and hardly had here. Yourself? Jack pushed himself away from the wall and recrossed his arms, his guard was up in his mind and he wondered how slow this would make the night pass until he switched out with whomever was next. It was hard to keep track of the schedules for these things as people were constantly switching to accommodate their own things they had to do or wanted to do. Jackson had always been that guy to take the shift or switch because he liked working, it was his ethic and habit that drove him. At least it paid off as he forgot nowadays about the shiny Head Boy pin he had on his robes and would keep as a cherished memory of something accomplished.

In his mode of exhaustion the last thing he needed was emotional stress as well. The fact that he had kept this bottled up and unresolved was completely unhealthy and he'd meant to talk it out with Anna and she would calm him down and that would settle that but it just never came up and he wasn't even sure if he would. Maybe he'd let her pry it out of him as she always did, who knew. Now began the awkward, painful process of doing this patrol in a civil manner and try to make small talk. What did they talk about? What had they talked about before? How she had dumped him was hardly encouraging for any conversation on his part. When you care enough about someone to sleep with them and be physical and then make it something intimate and meaningful and they don't want it, very discouraging. It was probably the exhaustion in his mind making all these thoughts swirl around and the overprocessing of this making it worse for him than it had even originally been in the first place. School going well? This was definitely going to be a long night. And really the main question he wanted to ask was if she was seeing anyone. Only personal curiosity, that was it.

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lyrics: What Goes Around - Justin Timberlake
words: 758
notes:

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There was a part of Eva that wished Jackson would lie to her and tell her that he was merely waiting for someone else, and that the other prefect she would be patrolling with was on his or her way. As much as she isn’t a fan of lies, even for the sake of another person, she would have been more than okay with that this time around. She could already feel the tension rising between the two and she was regretting this moment more and more as it continued. She found it odd that she felt this way at all, and she was certain that she didn’t like it one bit. It has been months since she had walked away from him and his admittance of wanting to pursue something more than just the repetitive physical encounters with her, but she hadn’t been ready for that.

It wasn’t a surprise to anyone in the castle that she wasn’t one for a relationship, and yet, he had thought she would make an exception this time around, for him. She was known for her love of fun and not wanting to be tied down to one person. Her naturally flirty nature made that next to impossible and she was sure that being with just one person would only cause more tension and arguments than if it was kept at a casual and fun thing. She knew she wouldn’t stop flirting with others; even if she did stop doing more than flirting, and she was certain that in itself wouldn’t be enough for whomever she actually dated. And then, not to bruise his ego or anything, but she wasn’t even sure that Jackson would be able to entertain her enough to make her not want to seek out other amusement.

He told her that he was fantastic and gave her a plastic smile as he said so, and she could feel the awkwardness building between them. “That’s good to hear,” she said softly, unable to look him directly in the eye as she spoke. He asked her how she was and she was hesitant to answer him. She knew he was only asking her out of formality, and not because he wanted to hear the answer, but she would oblige him. They were going to be spending the evening together, so it seemed, or at least the next hour or two, so she would have to be civil with him, at least. “I’m fine,” she answered, mentally kicking herself for feeling so afraid and timid in his presence. She was so much stronger than this, and she hated how being this close to him was causing her to act and feel like a scared little girl.

He kept his arms crossed, which made himself look like he was trying to stay on his guard. She knew that was because of her, and what happened, and she bit her lower lip as the two began to slowly walk down the corridor. He asked her if school was going well, and she nodded her head. “Yes. A bit bogged down with schoolwork, but nothing I can’t handle,” she said with a soft smile as she looked up at him. “And you? Are you excited to be in your final term of school?” she asked him. She was sure his workload was even worse than hers, since he was in his last year and all. There was a part of her that wanted to know if he was seeing anyone now, someone who wanted more from him than she obviously did. “So, are you going to the Valentine's dance with anyone?” she asked curiously, though instantly regretting her question.

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Well if this wasn't the most awkward thing he had ever encountered. Jack hated these things, when it didn't work out and you couldn't even talk to the person. If there was one thing he hated losing in his life except for just losing competitively it was losing friends. They had gotten along so well before and now it was all for nothing because he hadn't been able to suppress the urges that became more than physical for him and for something he thought would have made the both of them happy. Jack should have known better and to get with a girl like her, it made him slightly angry and frustrated because he had been so blinded by these primal urges and a primal response. It had been something he had discussed with his sister in length and she had pretty much given him the 'I told you so' response he had expected but hadn't wanted to hear. She had heard all about this girl and her reputation and he even wondered if the pretty little Hufflepuff was mean to really be in Slytherin because she had certainly played him. It was thoughts like these that he wanted so desperately to just vent and rant to her but he couldn't find himself doing it right now with so much anger behind it and hurt. Was it that obvious to her that he was hurting ? Jack didn't care he felt uncomfortable and he didn't like it one bit.

Jack wondered if she had caught on to his obvious sarcasm in reference to how he had been. To be honest he was okay, moving on as best he could and trying to forget about this as much as it crept into his mind from time to time. He looked at her and noticed that she couldn't even look at him in the eye or just even at him. Was this guilt he sensed or just the product of the awkwardness that was arising at this very moment. It was hard to tell and he wondered if she even knew what guilt was at all, he sure did and couldn't comprehend someone with lack of it. Her answer had been just as simple and he was curious what she was hiding from him. IT wasn't often that he felt this way about a girl he could only specifically remember another one in the past years that had affected him like this. To be honest it was hard for him to move on, it wasn't his personality and he often he kept it all bottled up inside. IT seemed that the few times he did open himself up to someone he ended up hurt so it was difficult for him to do so even after one time. It made the hurt worse because he trusted and got betrayed and really it left him somewhat irate. I guess, I just want to graduate already and get on with my life. Maybe that was a bit too harsh but he was excited at the opportunities that life would give him and the people he would meet and hopefully they acted like the adults they were and not the children he seemed to be surrounded by.

The Valentine's dance, funny she should mention that. Probably just Anna unless she found herself a date, then I don't know HE sure as hell was not going to go with her and why Eva had brought up a subject like that, of all things they could have talked about and made small talk, it was beyond him and really he didn't want to dwell. His curiosity however was getting the better of him by the second. Are you going? Maybe he would choose not attend or conspicuously disappear after some tie to avoid seeing her. He just didn't want to deal with this at all.

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lyrics: What Goes Around - Justin Timberlake
words: 646
notes:

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Eva never really did awkward well. In fact, she didn’t really do it at all. It just wasn’t her thing and her bluntness usually ended such moments before they could really start. This time, however, she was at a loss for it. In part, she knew that the awkwardness was created by her, and what had happened between her and the man standing beside her as they slowly made their way down the seventh floor corridor, effectively starting their rounds together. She wasn’t entirely to blame for the situation and why it was the way it was, but she did end it, which made it the way it currently was. As much as she wished she could change it, she knew she couldn’t, even if only to make it slightly better.

Part of her felt that it was more his fault, if only because he wanted something he knew she couldn’t give. She had never pretended to want a serious relationship, and that she liked what they had just the way it was. But when he brought up the idea of something more and that put paint to the whole thing. However, she should have seen it coming and stopped it before it got to that part. Eva was a flirt, and just about everyone in the castle knew it. She never hid it, nor does she still, and she never intends to. It is also known that she isn’t one for serious relationships or being tied down by one person. A fact about herself she’s never tried or thought about hiding.

And yet, when it came to Jackson, it was as if he was blind to that fact, and thought he could change that in her. Maybe he could have, one day, but when he had tried was not it. As much as she hadn’t wanted to hurt him, or bring to an end the fun they’d been having, she knew she had no choice. If he was already feeling for her what he claimed, since he wanted something more than just their casual fun, she knew it wouldn’t be right, or fair, to continue their secret affair onward. She hated losing his friendship, more so than the casual flings the two shared, but she knew that it would come to that, especially since she had refused him in such a way she was sure he’d never been refused before.

Their conversation was flat and short, and it was clear that neither really wanted to be having it. However, they had both inwardly resigned to the fact that they would either be doing their rounds in complete silence, or they would have to make some idle chit chat as they walked about the castle. It started with their own well-being, which she assumed was all chalked up to lies for the time being, and then it switched over to school. She nodded her head when he told her that he was excited to leave school so that he could get on with his life. She felt a lump rise in her throat as she thought about him leaving, and what he would be leaving behind, as well as moving on from. “Makes perfect sense. I’m sure there is much you wish to get away from here,” she said softly.

The conversation had then come to the Valentine's Day dance and she stupidly asked him if he was going. She didn’t know what was going on through his mind when those words spilled from her lips, but she was sure they weren’t positive ones, at least in respect to her. She hadn’t meant her question as a precursor to asking him if he’d go with her, she already had a date, but she could easily see why it would be assumed as such. She nodded her head at his answer and then again when he asked if she was going. “Yeah. Zayne asked me just the other day, since neither of us were going with anyone else and all. He figured we could go as friends,” she said as she stuffed her hands into her pockets.

Eva wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take. The awkwardness was killing her, but she knew better than to stir up the past. It hurt her, just as she was sure it hurt him, even just a little bit, and she saw nothing good coming from her bringing up what had happened between them and how it all came to a messy end. All she wanted to do right now was get this evening over with and go back to her dormitory or, better yet, the kitchens so she could forget all about this moment. But she knew that wouldn’t be possible. Before she could say anything else, she somehow managed to trip over her own feet and fall over. Unfortunately, as she fell, she knocked into Jackson, sending him to the ground with her.

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nudge me for any changes to be made

Maybe his answer to her had been a little too harsh, he hadn't wanted to imply that he wanted to leave this place on her account. His home of the past seven years was full of fond memories and ones he didn't want as well, but such was life as you traveled upon it's path created for you. You reacted the way you would react and you could never change what people didn't want, that was his lesson so far. If she hadn't wanted a relationship, then it wasn't going to happen and so far he was just moving on however long that would take. It made him think that eventually he would come clean to Anna, and she would give him that look and say 'I told you so' in that way and probably be mad that she wasn't advised at first at the beginning of this whole arrangement and that she could have warned him. Sometimes, he wished he had a male best friend to go vent and talk to as well. The other side's opinion was needed at some point. As much as he had been saddened and hurt by his experiences with Eva and the outcome, it hadn't been the worst by far and he was not going to let his mind elevate it to a level that it came nowhere near close to. There was plenty to escape from and he just needed a fresh start somewhere and where his heart wouldn't break and he would find that small pocket of happiness that everybody was just looking for this whole time. I didn't mean it like that, if that's what your thinking. Great, now he was being the asshole. What has the world come to?

Valentine's Day was really a silly holiday in his opinion, as much as he had enjoyed love and all those funny little feelings, it was silly to have a mandatory holiday to do something nice for someone you care about. Why couldn't you on any regular day? So he would go along with the crowd for now, but only because he didn't want to seem like a Scrooge of Valentine's Day, and he hardly had a Valentine to speak of this year anyway. At least he had been in a much better place than the previous year's occasion. She explained that she was attending with someone 'as friends'. And at that moment, Jack just couldn't even stop himself speaking before he said anything. Do you ever not do anything just 'as friends'? Jack almost immediately regretted taht question and his tone in particular because he really didn't want to seem like he was being an ass just to be one. Sorry, don't know where that came from... If it hadn't been awkward before, it was going to be now for the most part. At least he didn't start a rant asking if she was going to use him for what she wanted out of him like he felt she had done to him. Jack always wondered if there was more to her story, why the she was the way she was and wouldn't accept anything different. Everybody had a story and everybody had experiences that shaped their core and how they went about their lives, what was hers? What was her excuse? He knew he had his.

Another pause and they continued on their merry way down the corridor and what felt like hours was mere minutes in their present time. It was silent and the only sound he could hear besides the thoughts in his own head and he turned his head to ask her something or try to say something when she suddenly fell into him. Jack kept his balance and held the girl so she wouldn't tumble so ungracefully on the ground. Still, he managed to fall into the wall that had been to his side, his back connecting though not too hard and in his arms was once the girl he would have liked to have been his girlfriend, but since that hadn't been feasible he just had to eventually accept that fact as much as it had hurt. Looking down, he made sure she hadn't fainted or something. You alright?

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lyrics: What Goes Around - Justin Timberlake
words: 705
notes:

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“I know you didn’t,” she said softly and with a nod of her head, “just as I didn’t mean what I said the way you think I did,” she said, her voice a bit stronger as she lifted her head up slightly and glanced at him. Why was this so hard for me, she asked herself as the pair walked slowly down the corridor. Well, she knew why it was, but it was the generic question one asked themselves when in such a situation that they felt awkward in or confused about. Anything pertaining to Jackson and the ‘relationship’ they had once had was awkward and confusing to think about, especially since most of the blame lied with her.

As much as she wanted to blame him too, she knew she couldn’t put most of the blame on him. Her reasoning on the matter is that he should have known better, but even she had to admit that one couldn’t help their feelings and who they felt them for. That is how they both landed themselves in the position they were in currently, and it was a situation she was sure would never be. And yet, why, she mused, was it still so awkward and weird around him? Why did she always feel this feeling deep within her gut whenever she saw him, or even thought about him? It was enough to drive her mad.

Of course, there was no single person within the castle walls she could talk to about this, not even her own sister; she knew that, once she told anyone about the situation, she would never be free of it. It would probably be considered monumental that Eva felt like this about someone, or that she was having such issues with it. It was strange for her; it gave her feelings she wasn’t quite sure how to handle or react too. That is one of the reasons why she’s kept her distance for so long. But now, she couldn’t help but be close to him and it only made things even more awkward and confusing for her.

When she had brought up the Valentine's Day dance, she half expected him to tell her that he was taking his new girl to the dance, but she felt a bit better when he admitted that he would either go with Anna, unless she found herself her own date, or alone. It also seemed kind of coincidental that she too was going with her best friend of the opposite sex as just friends, to save face of having to go alone. Though, as he made sure to already say, he would only go alone if Anna had herself her own date for the dance. His question about her ever doing anything as not just friends caused her to feel even worse about the whole thing.

Before she could respond, he apologized for his words and told her that he didn’t know where they had come from. “I do,” she whispered, though unsure of whether he actually heard her or not. Before either could say anything else, however, she had tripped over her own feet and fell to the floor. She had knocked into him as she did so and he went into the wall. As the floor grew closer to her, she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her to stop her from hitting it, and, in that very moment, she felt safer than any other time in her entire life. She then steadied herself and looked up at him.

If there was ever a mistake she’s made, it was doing just that. The very moment their eyes met, it was as if this silent conversation began between them, one she was having a hard time keeping up with. He asked if she was okay and she merely blinked at him as she tried to find her voice. “I- I’m sorry,” she said as she blinked again, one of her arms now moving up to his neck and grabbing hold as she began to stand herself back upright. “I guess I’m as clumsy as ever,” she said, her arm still around his neck and her other hand now resting softly upon his chest, as she looked into his eyes.

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Clearly communication was becoming a rampant issue with them as well, words were being said and wildly misinterpreted like no other and really it was a downward spiral of words that the both of them could not stop. If anything Jackson was curious, what was she feeling? Did she feel anything? For Jack to not be able to shut off these emotions meant that it was something real. Normally he would have been over it and away from it already and not ever felt anything for that person ever again, that sense of empathy that he seemed to lack despite his charisma was baffling to him and he couldn't figure out why his emotion were so frozen and only came out at these random times. At least it was a good indicator for what was real, even if it never left for some people. Chloe and Eva, why were these women so troubling in his mind and getting him caught up there where he couldn't escape to think clearly. This fog crept over and took over his brain and he couldn't even think. It was similar to the fog your brain experienced in a heat of passion moment and with this one he was all too familiar with that. Maybe she wasn't used to it, she didn't know what that feeling was to have that connection that differed from all the others. A human's natural instinct is to run away from whatever it feared and it had crossed his mind which is why he had given her space. His impatience was hard to hold back and he teetered on the edge of that thought as to not give himself false hope.

Her reply was almost silent but he had heard and had no chance to acknowledge it. If he was trying to come off as not hurting and moved on he was failing miserably. It was still a valid question and maybe he still did wonder the answer to that after all. What had she felt for him? Was it nothing? And more importantly for him, is this what rejection felt like? Is this what he had put his ex-girlfriend through even though their relationship had been falling apart and it only worked now because it hadn't been prolonged to the point of total destruction and beyond repair. Even as it stood he didn't know where it stood and everything seemed a mess at least in his personal life. The more his academics were in place, his studying and his NEWTS and the future after graduation were in place and even the prospect of a career and all that, the more his personal matters seemed to take a life of their own and play out in front of him without his control. She fell into him and leaning against the wall with her in his arms, where she had been absent these past months and he looked down to ask if she was alright and she looked up back at him. The vulnerability that was in her eyes was that which he had not seen before nor did he recognize. Was this her shedding that skin, that guard she held so fiercely up to him and whomever else was around her?

She apologized and seemed speechless. What was happening to them? It was kind of sad and if Jack was watching as a non-biased observer he would have told them to make up already and move on. It was always about moving on for him, it was all he knew he had to do always and something that his father had instilled in him. When his mother was going through her trouble, the miscarriages and he alcohol abuse it was just moving on because dwelling got you nowhere. But, what was Jack doing? Dwelling, of course and he couldn't even stand himself. They regained their physical composure as she balanced herself off him to stand up straight albeit not moving away from him in the process, the openness was gone and he looked back into her eyes looking for it again because he knew that if he was going to connect with her he needed to get her back into that state. You were always kind of clumsy. He muttered, his hand traveled to her waist and was placed there in case she decided to fall over again suddenly, and the other traveled to her face where he moved away a lock of hair that was in her eyes. The fluttering in his chest wouldn't stop, how could she not feel what he felt? Had Jack been more vain he would have wondered who wouldn't want to be with him or who would deny him but that wasn't him, he found a connection and not having it reciprocated bothered him. His hand then went to her cheek where his fingers lightly traced on her jaw and he just found he couldn't help himself anymore as his face seem to travel closer to hers. I've missed you...

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lyrics: I miss you - Incubus
words: 836
notes:

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If her sister could see her right now, she’d probably slap her straight across the face and tell her to stop being so stupid. Naturally, Brooke wouldn’t be able to do that since she had absolutely no idea about anything that ever transpired between her and Jackson beyond the fact that they were once friends, and are apparently not any longer. Then again, if Eva were to ever tell her younger sister why they were no longer friends, Brooke would definitely tell Eva that she was crazy for walking away from Jack the way she did and ask her a million times over why she chose not to pursue something more with him when it was clear that the two had some serious chemistry. Even with that being the case, Eva had been afraid to have more and, more importantly, she had been afraid to mess it all up. She knew she’d never be able to explain that to anyone.

As Eva stood there, still in Jack’s arms, staring at the older boy who had once asked her to be his, she couldn’t help but feel this unexplainable pull towards him. She was sure it was just their past relationship, or whatever you wanted to call it, yearning to be reignited, but she was sure that wouldn’t ever happen. Even if she wanted it, which she wasn’t sure she did at the current moment, she was sure he wouldn’t. How could it with how she had treated him and just walked away from something that could have been the best thing of both their lives? She’d never be able to find out though, since she was more than sure there was never going to be another chance for them to figure it out. She wasn’t even sure she wanted that chance; she couldn’t deny that she was still as attracted to him as she had been before.

She smiled sheepishly when he told her that she was always sort of clumsy. She couldn’t dispute that, since she knew she was and most people did too. She’s fallen more times than she could count on all of her digits, including her toes, and it has given her a few trips to the Hospital Wing during her years at Hogwarts. She could still remember vividly when she took a spill down the steps one afternoon while she was on her way up to one of her classes. She fell a flight and a half and really banged herself up. That was a couple of years ago, but it wasn’t her first injury, just as she was sure it wouldn’t be her last. She took in a deep breath when she felt his hand touch her waist while his other hand brushed a strand of hair from her face. She blinked at him and found herself wanting to be even closer to him than she already was.

As the hand that was near her face began to softly trace her jawline, she felt her heartbeat suddenly quicken and her breath start to become labored. Where was this all coming from? Because you miss him, a lot, a voice from the back of her mind said as she stared up into his eyes. She could see his face slowly starting to move even closer to hers and she was sure she knew what was going to happen. Should she let it? When he told her that he missed her, she felt her heart skip a beat. She wasn’t used to such feelings, but she couldn’t deny them as she felt them either. She didn’t know what to do. “I miss you too,” she said before she moved her own face closer to his and pressed her lips against his. It was like a fire ignited deep within her and she pressed herself against him as they kissed.

It felt like everything stood still as she stood there in Jack’s arms with her lips and body pressed hard against his. The fact that they were standing in the middle of the seventh floor corridor where anyone could happen upon them was the furthest thing from her mind. All she could think about was the kiss they were sharing. But was it just a kiss? She wouldn’t know how else to describe it, even though she wasn’t sure she had the capacity to do so even if she did. Just as he started to deepen the kiss, she realized what she had done by kissing him and pulled herself away from him, even stepping away to make sure she didn’t return to her previous position. “I’m sorry,” she said as she tried to regain her breathing. “I don’t know what came over me, I-“ she said before stopping. Without another word, she took off down the corridor, her dormitory the only place on her mind.

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Why was it that these things affected him as they did? Normally Jack was one that pushed all these emotions aside with ease and not by mere choice at all. There was some part of him that was cold and unable to just access them when he wanted. However, at times like these, that have happened in occasion, the punctured straight through his walls and straight to the heart of the matter. It was a secret, their secret and he had almost nobody to speak to about how he felt and proclaim what he was feeling only letting it grow and fester in his mind. The times were changing and relationships for Slytherins with non-Slytherins were not uncommon as he had fallen for a Gryffindor not a few years ago, however with a Hufflepuff was pushing it. It was expectations and blood status and a judge of character. Most of it was mere nonsense to his ears but he had an image to proclaim and they had wanted to avoid potential drama from outside sources as best they could. And not to mention it was never meant to be serious. It was serious now and that was how he felt and she seemed to only mock him when he expressed that and it had left him hurt among other emotions. As friends they knew about each other, things here and there as he was not surprised she managed to trip over nothing and he had saved her from an unpleasant meeting with the floor. The tone changed, from awkward and even hostile to where he was just happy to have her physically near him. She could never understand what was going through his head and nor could he even explain it.

While his fingers traced her jaw and softly caress her face he got no rejection, no attempts to stop him. That only told him that she felt something, on while it may not be the same level that he was feeling it was something. Jack's heart beat a little bit faster, was he nervous? No, just being real for once and open and she was letting him. It was an addicting feeling, when you have that rarity of being able to being open without rejection and just be able to feel. An experience that he had been able to feel maybe once before, and that one he had pushed aside for whatever reason he had given himself at the time. Her lips met his and his hand only traveled to her waist as his other hand was and helped close the distance between them as one traveled to her back to help pull her closer. That was a quick way to leave him speechless and his heart racing, both of theirs and obviously he had missed this part of the whole deal. Where were they again? Oh yes, the middle of the seventh floor corridor. Though he hoped no student would intrude and he hoped there was no emergency that required his attention at this time. Things began to heat up a little more and he had to remind himself to breathe and not overwhelm her but still show that the passion was still there, the feelings in his actions and that was all he had wanted from her was some kind of reciprocating of all that.

Suddenly, she pulled away and he was left standing as she pushed away from him. Pushing him away as if he was an intruder and putting those walls back up that he had been trying to get past. Square one and after he got over be slightly speechless and letting it register in his mind that she was running off down the hall or beginning to, he moved. Wait-- At this rate he hoped to Merlin they would not attract any more attention, at least they weren't in the dungeons where it seemed to echo from every direction. Jack ran after her and she didn't get very far, he being the more athletic one, and he grabbed her arm and tried to stop her without causing a scene. Please, just wait. Jack pleaded with her, she really didn't know what power she held right now over him. Was that what she had wanted this whole time from him? Was he being used and not realizing it? It was a thought that had passed his mind and until now he was beginning to believe it hence his anger toward the situation. Jack still had a grip on her arm but reminded himself not to hold too hard, there was no point in being forceful. Don't tell me you didn't feel that? She would be lying and he would be hopeless, there was always that small glimmer. Slowly he let go of her arm, if she wanted to escape he would let her now.

---

lyrics: I miss you - Incubus
words: 810
notes:

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No matter how fast she tried to run, it was like she was inching along the corridor like a bloody snail. She mentally cursed herself for being so stupid as to give in the way she had. How could she do that? She knew that it would only lead to a more disastrous and complicated situation, but, at the same time, she couldn’t deny that she wanted it to happen. She disliked the pull Jack seemed to have on her, even if she knew that it was doomed to fail before it could even start, again. But, at the same time, she couldn’t help but feel it deep within her and it bothered her more than she’d ever be able to explain. No one has ever made her feel that way before, not even with her small crush on Zayne, and it scared her to death.

He called out to her, telling her to wait and, as she made her way down the corridor, she heard his footfalls right behind her. She knew that he would catch up to her, if only because he had longer legs than she did and was far more athletic than she was. And the fact that she felt like she was merely inching along made it worse. She urged herself to move faster, to get away before the confrontation for what had just happened came to a head, but she failed. He grabbed her arm and stopped her and, to her dismay, she gave in and turned around to face him. She had pulled her lower lip in between her teeth as she looked up at him through her thick lashes and she suddenly felt nervous. She didn’t know if she could do this.

And then he spoke again and she felt her heart lurch. She didn’t know what to say. Of course she felt it, which means that he did too. That spoke volume to her, and told her that he still felt for her what he’d felt for her six months ago. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? She wasn’t even sure, but she did know she still wasn’t sure she’d be able to give him the relationship he had sought then, if he even wanted that still. “I-,” she started, though stopped as she tried to think about what she was going to say. He let go of her arm, almost as if silently daring her to run away again, but she didn’t. She stood before him, her eyes cast upwards as she stared at him, as she thought about what else she should or could say to him.

She knew that she had to say something to him, and it would be horrible of her to leave him like this, especially after she’d been the one to kiss him. She actually thought about lying to him and telling him no. But could she do that? Eva has never been a shy girl and just about anyone that knew her, or of her, knew that. So now why was she running like a scared little girl? What was that scared her away from wanting more with them. In truth, Jack was the first guy to ever actually want more from her, and it had come at a time when she wasn’t ready to give herself to one person in such a way. “Of course I did,” she whispered, before she dropped his gaze. She didn’t know what else to say; she was too nervous to say anything else.

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Eva hadn't put up much of a fight in his opinion to run away from him and he had caught up to her quickly and he hadn't held on to her arm for long before he let go. Jack didn't want to pressure her as much as he really wanted to. She was just stalling him and leaving him in this middle space that he did not like. There was this look of uncertainty on her face and he couldn't read it. What was she feeling? Was she feeling anything? This wasn't fair to him at all and to be honest impatience was turning into frustration as he tried to comprehend it. Jack wasn't ready to just throw these feelings away but at some point you could only wait for so long before you just had to move on and he wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. It was unhealthy to be perpetually stuck like this and it was affecting his entire attitude and people noticed his off behavior and demeanor. She started to speak and he was hopeful, but she didn't finish her sentence and maybe she would take off again before answering him and just leave him all over again. She had kissed him, she had started it. Jack wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to finish the patrol tonight and wanted to be left alone. The last thing he wanted was this awkwardness and uncertainty to lash out in anger for either of them and he needed his space too. If she still wasn't willing to at least give it a shot then maybe it was time for him to move on or at least distract himself before revisiting such an idea right now.

She could have lied, just said no and he would have just walked away entirely. What was she afraid of? Was she afraid of him or the idea of a relationship? To be honest he had never quite been the one to approach a relationship at all preferring flings or anything without massive amounts of drama and then he was introduced to the idea briefly but never took it seriously until his last girlfriend who he had really fallen for and was sad that it hadn't worked out, but that was life and you moved on. He hated feeling stuck, it was depressing and he never wanted to be there. Finally, she answered him and he momentarily had a funny feeling in his chest and stomach. Now what? For the majority of this time had left the ball in her court and if she needed time all she had to do was say so. Then what are you afraid of? Getting hurt? Everybody was afraid of getting hurt. Jack took a couple steps closer to her, risking that she would take the same amount backwards or just run away from him. Just tell me what you want because I'm tired of waiting around trying to figure it out. If it wasn't clear this was frustrating them hopefully it was now. It wasn't a silly little game nor was he in love with her, but he liked her and had strong enough feelings that he wanted to pursue that. Was that a crime? Give it a chance and let it run it's course. At this point they wouldn't even be friends anymore, whether or not this became serious. So, her ball.

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lyrics: I miss you - Incubus
words: 571
notes: ugh x| , sorry for the shortness

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There was a part of Eva that wanted to run away, again, and leave this situation and not have to endure the pain that came with it. She knew that it was inevitable, especially with Jack, even though he seemed to want more. But how much more did he want? Did he only want more because it seemed like the next step? Or was it because he truly wanted to see how far they could go together? In truth, she was curious herself, but was the price to pay for that worth it in the long run? Eva had already learned that giving herself fully to someone was only going to bite her in the ass in return and she was not ready for such a feeling again. That was why she didn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone, and had always been that way as far as the inhabitants of Hogwarts were concerned. She’s never explained that to anyone, nor did she think anyone needed to know such things, but that was because she didn’t like retelling a story that caused her so much pain.

She had looked away from Jack when she admitted that she did feel something when they kissed, afraid of his reaction, but his words hit her hard, and she could all but see his reaction without needing to look up at him. Did he actually want an answer to his question, or what it rhetorical? She wasn’t entirely sure, but she didn’t think she’d be able to give him the answer he wanted. What was she afraid of? She knew it was being hurt, but she also knew that everyone feared that, especially when it came to matters of the heart. Her biggest fear in terms of this situation was that she would feel more than he did, and be the one left broken at the end of the day, while he moved on to whatever new girl he set his sights on. She didn’t doubt he’d go find his ex-girlfriend Chloe and shag her brains out, not that Chloe would mind. She knew he didn’t feel for her what he felt for Chloe, or at least that’s what Eva thought, and thoughts like that only made Eva more hesitant to respond.

He spoke again, moving closer as he did so, asking her to tell him what she wanted because he was getting tired of waiting around for her to figure it out. She drew her lower lip in between her teeth as she thought about his words and how exactly to answer them. She hated the fact that he was waiting for her in such a way, or that she had even found herself in that situation in the first place, but she knew she couldn’t just erase it now. She also knew that she couldn’t tell him she didn’t know what she wanted; that wouldn’t be fair to him. If she was being honest with herself, she did know what she wanted, but she was scared. Eva didn’t do fear well, so this was really hard for her to admit, almost as hard as it was for her to admit that she wanted someone in such a way. “I’m sorry, Jack,” she whispered as she slowly lifted her head to finally meet his gaze. When she looked at him, she found her breath caught in her throat, balled up into a lump that stopped her from talking.

She knew that he would want more of an elaboration than just an apology, especially since he wouldn’t be sure what she was apologizing for. She then swallowed the lump as best as she could before attempting to speak again. “I’m sorry for everything; all the pain, and the frustration, that I’ve caused,” she said, “it’s been just as such for me, I can assure you,” she added as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other. Why was this so hard for her? Oh, right, because she didn’t usually talk about her feelings with people, so doing it now was not the easiest of things for her to do. “You want something form me I don’t know if I can give, but it’s not because of you,” she said as she licked her lips. “I’m scared,” she said, which only made her shake as she admitted that to him, to anyone, “but not for the reasons you think,” she managed, her nerves more than evident as she spoke. She then sighed in frustration with herself as she ran her fingers through her hair.

She knew he wasn’t happy with her, and that she would probably lose her chance with him after this, but she couldn’t help how she was, and, if he couldn’t at least give her that bit of leniency, then what was he even bothering for? She knew it wasn’t fair to blame him, even for most of this entire mess, but it also wasn’t fair that he was expecting her to make such a decision without any careful thought behind it. Even though she was sure that, should she deny him once more, they wouldn’t be friends anyway, since they were barely friends now, but did she want to try and pursue something more simply to salvage whatever pieces of their friendship still remained? That was more than unfair to them both. “I wish it was all simple, and that I could just tell you that I want you and that I want to see if there is more to us than what once was, or even what there is now, but it’s not simple and I’m not really good at talking about this stuff,” she told him, basically admitting what she wanted without meaning to.

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wow, didn't expect all that. nudge me for changes

Falling in love was an indescribable feeling and it wasn't one you could just explain with words, you just felt it and you expressed it. Really anything that served to intrude on that feeling was painful, trust issues or betrayal that made you feel the heartbreak and risked falling out of love. Was Jack in love with Eva? No, he could say that for certain. Nothing ever started out as love and he wasn't one to believe in love at first sight. Their whole relationship and experiences was just something that had lead him to develop feelings for her and he figured it was the basis for something and that could grow and blossom into something great. Beyond the house differences he was doubting that she saw the real effort he was trying to put here and it was disheartening, he would hear it from his classmates in his house if this ever was public because she was a Hufflepuff but with her actions he doubted her house choice altogether. They had given him some grief with Chloe but he had fought that and defended her because he had truly been in love with her at some point and in some ways he still did love her because you never lose that feeling about someone, caring about them in that way because they played some pivotal role in your life. She helped him feel, just reached the core of him and let him be emotional and feel something without fear. When it came down to it he let his emotions sit at bay and when he wanted to feel them he couldn't do it by himself and that was where she came in.

She couldn't even answer him, it was the hesitation and the pausing and the thinking that told him everything he really needed to hear and didn't want to hear. Her silence spoke volumes in comparison to her words right after and he really wished that she would say something and just tell him to stop like she meant it instead of this whole runaround. Maybe he was wasting his time and by ignoring his brain and following his heart he was setting himself up to get hurt and he should have just stayed away when he had the chance and was told to versus letting this sit in his mind the entire time. He always did this, let it sit in his mind and thinking over it constantly only made it that much more painful for him. Eva apologized and looked up at him, was she being sincere or just covering for what she didn't want to tell him? Maybe she just didn't want to date him and just used him for the sex and physical relationship and he was being a stupid boy, in that case he'd certainly fallen for it. Somehow he doubted that she had suffered as much as he had, she hardly batted an eye as she told him she didn't want to date him or take their relationship any further than what it had been while his own heart had fallen into his stomach at the rejection. Somehow, I doubt that... He put his hands in his pockets and took a couple steps back, repeating part of his own thoughts out loud and needed the physical distance now between them. How could she claim to be feeling what he did? How dare she.

It was all so frustrating and he didn't like being angry but he didn't like it when he felt deceived or that she might as well have just left and left him in the dark when it came to these answers. Everyone is afraid of getting hurt Eva, but it happens to everyone. Wasn't that life? Wasn't that how you learned? That was his ideology about it, things happened and you learned and moved on from them. Well, most of them. His sister would laugh at his endless preaching of supposed moving on when he couldn't even stay away from his ex-girlfriend. They were friends, but hardly ever were physical with one another except on rare occasion. It was more the mere presence of her in his life was enough and he knew her well enough that he wouldn't be the asshole that used her because they had been so close previously. Maybe he would vent to her and he usually got his mind off her but arguing with him or telling him the things that he needed to hear and didn't want to. Either way in this matter, with Eva, a perfectly good friendship was being thrown away and he could take the blame on that one because he had been the one to speak first and try to take matters into his own hands. This epic failure really just made him want to shut down and not even try anymore. Why ruin friendships? It only ended badly it seemed. Her answers were vague and confusing, why couldn't she just tell him what she was feeling? What was there in her heart versus what barriers she placed with herself. It is simple, Eva. You're just making it complicated.

Was he annoyed and frustrated? Yes, very much so. He paused, looking down, at this point he didn't have much else to say and he had put himself all out there and she had barely budged. What was the point. I wish you could just tell me how you really felt. Tell me what you are feeling. But I guess you can't.

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lyrics: I miss you - Incubus
words: 921
notes: