Taking you Back, Bazing~Albykins

He was furious, he was tired of day in and day out night in and night out waiting, waiting for something that wasn't going to happen on its own. Lying, lying to his best mate saying he was just depressed over some girl when in reality it was his little brother that was killing Benjamin Dearborn inside. He snapped he finally caved in the middle of breakfast this morning. It didn't take too much, he had seen the young Potter chatting with a group of students and he saw the happiness flicker in Albus's eyes, that was all it too, why did he get to be happy and Ben didn't? That was when he got to his feet from the Gryffindor table, waltzed right up to the Potter boy and turned him around, he'd regret this he knew but it was also the only way to get the boy alone. He turned him around so quickly and before Albus could even react, Ben's fist collided with the boy's eye. By the time a professor got close enough he had grabbed Fitz giving the boy a desperate look and the Irish boy just happened to understand what he needed. "who's at fault here?" the professor questioned and Fitz spoke up clear as day,"Dey both are m'am" and he walked away with that. Ben smirked when they were both handed detention slips for that night.

All day Benjamin was antsy, he couldn't sit still, he skipped a few classes trying to figure out how he'd do it, how he'd win back Albus. Finally though dinner was around the corner and all through dinner he was out in the courtyard pacing, smoking cigarette after cigarette. He looked down at his watch and finally made his way down to the dungeons and into the detention room. THe professor directed that he sit and not move and that Albus do the same whenever he got there. When the professor finally left to do his rounds about the castle Ben looked at Albus,"Look, I'm sorry about your eye but it was the only way I could get you alone" he said knowing the boy had grown stubborn with time. He looked down ruffling a hand through his hair as he sat in his desk in the back of the room."Damnit the least you could do is yell at me instead of ignore me" he said growing frustrated.

It had been a couple days since he had cleared things up with his best friend. The night of the ball, wasn't a full on accident. It had been a gateway to a little date, that went well. Albus hadn't been thinking negatively since, he was actually happy where he was in life. There were no official relationship titles over his head, yet he was showing feelings. Everything seemed to be alright in his life and he was content. Albus woke up and got into his Slytherin uniform. He didn't pay much attention to detail in the mirror but he exited the Slytherin common room, with intent on seeing his best friend for breakfast. It would set the mood for his day and he knew he'd be a mess of smiles. Albus walked the halls of the dungeons grouping some first years to lead them to the Great hall. Albus frowned upon his prefect title half the time yet it was his obligation. Once in the Great hall he wondered around, looking for his mate. Yet he didn't find him, perhaps the other boy was studying. It wasn't too important, he'd find someone else to speak to. Albus stopped over by Fitz, and and Mathieu and spoke for a bit. Not long after he felt a grip on his shoulder and turned around seeing Ben. A smile crept to his lips but it soon was washed away with the impact of a punch to his eyes. "Merlin! What the hell was that for..?" Albus hissed shoving Ben, before grabbing his eye. Soon one of his professors walked over and Fitz sung that they were both at fault. Albus' good eye twitched as he saw given a detention. Well so much for he and the Irish lad's friendship. What was up with people today?

Through out the day he found himself wondering why Ben had hit him. In all honesty he thought they distanced themselves for a reason. Ben had hurt him in the past and he was just through with it all. Al's whole healing process was interrupted and he was highly frustrated. Though out the day he couldn't focus his mania reaching it's peak. Why was he so worked up over Ben's immature gesture? It had occurred to him in the past Ben was sort of abusive, yet that just was when he had something to say. Ben acted certain ways due to his emotions, and Al knew that. After spending the day being unproductive he walked to the dungeons. This being his second detention in his life. Albus walked in the classroom and sat down pulling out his book. It was his intention to do nothing but ignore his ex. The boy's words caused Albus to scowl. He was sorry for hitting him? Was he mad? Albus turned the page of his book and ignored the comment. It took everything inside him not to speak but when he heard that familiar anger in Ben's voice he glared over to him narrowing his eyes. "Why! Why did you want me alone Ben? What does it do for you? I thought we were above these immature games?" Albus growled standing up walking over to the boy looking him in the eyes. Those brown eyes, he once felt alive when gazing into now seemed so cold. Albus kept his stern attitude awaiting an explication.

Ben scowled his eyes shooting up when he realized Albus was actually right in front of him, when his eyes met the younger boy's he felt the sadness cross his face but he quickly recovered. He took a moment but his words came out soon enough,"Immature games? Immature games include your ignoring me Albus" he snapped as he got to his feet, hands slamming down on the desk that seperated them. Ben was shaking but he wouldn't let Albus see. "Are you happy? Tell me, are you truly happy and I'll leave you alone, but look me straight in the eyes and mean it, mean it that you're happy without me anywhere in your life Albus, look me in the eyes and tell me that it meant nothing to you and then I'll leave you be, but until then I can't...I can't just drop it all, knowing that it meant something, at least it meant the world to me" he said. He ruffled his hair before he kicked the desk between them which made it topple over and he shook his head. "Fuck it, I'd rather get another detention by myself than stay in here with you when you won't even listen, how can you be so blind?" Ben said as he headed toward the door.

He knew he had messed up in the past, he had pushed a few boundaries with Albus that he shouldn't have but that hadn't called for the break up they had endured, if they were really so in love, they would have fixed their problems not just dropped it all and walked away. He stopped at the door, his hand on the knob hesitantly as those thoughts crossed his mind, he still wore his own promise ring, around his neck on a chain, beneath his shirt. He sighed and looked down,"If I mean nothing to you, get rid of your ring as soon as you can...because its worthless if we're not even going to try and fix things" he said the hurt apparent in his voice as he fought back tears.

There he looked into they eyes of the boy he once trusted so much, the boy he once loved and was committed too and he felt himself force a frown. Albus couldn't help to notice the hurt in Ben's eyes, as it matched his own even when trying to act as if he wasn't phased. As he listened to Ben's words he rolled his eyes. "Ignoring you is my choice, and you don't deserve my attention." He snapped. Albus felt himself jump a bit when Ben hit the desk and he backed up a couple steps. As Ben spoke of being happy he folded his arms over his chest not speaking. Albus wasn't fully sure he was happy in life, he was content where he was. It wouldn't be him if he gave Ben the satisfaction of saying he wasn't happy. That would be his first mistake entirely. To give Ben the satisfaction of knowing somewhere in his life he not happy. Albus flicked when Ben kicked the desk and he watched the boy walk away, and that was it.

Albus moved forward and walked over to Ben and spun him around pushing Ben against the door. "Stop Ben!" Albus shouted at him pushing him against the door harder as he shook his head frantically. "You have no right to know if I'm happy or not!" He growled backing up, he could feel his eyes start to water with the thoughts of many nights in the past. Albus sniffed a bit and wiped the tears from his aqua eyes. Ben always pushed him so far, and to talk about the ring he was going to chuck in the lake was going too far. Albus would get rid of it when he was good and ready. "Try and fix things? You want to try to fix things when I just fixed myself? The tears I've cried over you, all the healing process I did for myself?" Albus asked wiping his face. This was getting to him, and he wanted to break down. His thoughts were all a jumbled mess and he needed to think of all the reason why he should fix things with Ben. His clouded judgment only lasted for a moment as the tears rolled down his freckled cheeks. "'Cause I wouldn't have sex with you, because I wasn't ready you treated me like shit, your so bloody selfish!" Albus snapped stomping his foot on the ground. "You want me to try to fix things with you when you didn't want to wait for me? You didn't want to wait that means you didn't love me at all, so don't act like you do." Albus said backing himself across the room.

He couldn't take this right now, all the yelling had to stop. He slowly sat down his back to the wall as he covered his ears and whispered to himself to stop crying. Albus reminded himself mentally he was important, and Ben shouldn't have been forceful with him. The boy tried to think back to his content spot, but he was starting to break slowly. Albus closed his eyes, not wanting to look, he didn't know what he did if he saw that hurt look in Ben's eyes. Albus was weak, he needed to sooth himself before continuing, his mania often made that hard. The boy tried to keep his breathing at a steady pace, and he soon found himself hyperventilating. This anxiety was going to kill him, he wanted to say so much, but his loss for words was stronger. Albus didn't want to say something he would regret. The boy was worth more then sex, more then just impulsive actions. Albus wanted to be loved, and held and cared about not forced to change. Although people changed for the ones they loved, Albus was just numb to Ben at this point.

Ben was taken off guard by the sudden grabbing of him and the turning. He was forced up against the wall and his eyes narrowed at the younger boy, he listened to every word that seethed out of Albus's mouth and yet he knew that the boy was terribly mistaken on many different levels. Sure Ben had said some things and was impatient at times and selfish but at least he never hit Albus aside from earlier this morning, at least he didn't just take what he wanted like he very well could have at any point. Did Ben not give this boy everything he asked for and more? Ben watched as Albus backed away all the hurt strewned across the younger's face and he sighed forcing a hand through his hair he dared it and walked over crouching down in front of Albus. He hesitated on whether or not he'd lash out but at this point he didn't care. He pulled Albus into his arms soon falling to sit cross legged and he pulled Albus into his lap rubbing the boy's back gently as he uttered gentle shushing noises and he reached up brushing a hand through Albus's hair. "You're right ok? I'm selfish....I'm a jerk and I put my needs before your's and it wasn't right of me..." he whispered his words sincere as he gently rocked Albus back and fourth in his lap and he dropped his hand from Albus's hair and brushed the tears from his pretty blue eyes. Ben shifted and pressed his forehead against the young Potter's as he sighed out, his own eyes held tears,"I just want you happy... and if its not with me then so be it, but Albus.. I love you and that's not going to just go away and I know you think I don't love you but I do, I wouldn't fight so hard for you if I didn't love you" he whispered, his voice shaking.

Why did things like this always happen to him? Albus was unsure if he just attracted negative karma into his life. Through his years, he had been a bit selfish and didn't just take to his family. Albus was always the one to be in his own little world, accomplishing the dreams he wanted to. Had his distancing really caused this negativity? Albus would never know. The boy sat there trying to calm his breath when heard Ben walk over to him and there he sat trying not to look at the boy. When Ben's hand was on him he flinched slightly and was lifted from where he sat. Soon he was in the arms of Benjamin Dearborn, where he once wanted to be every spare moment of the day. Even when studying, he'd give it all up to have this feeling. Although it felt so familiar and he wanted to enjoy it he couldn't. Albus tried to pull away yet he felt Ben's hands running though his hair, and his heart rate steadied down, as he was soon being soothed.

Ben admitted he was selfish, and he admitted he was a jerk, yet that wasn't what Albus wanted to hear. The boy knew all this, but at this point he wasn't sure what he expected anymore. Albus looked down not wanting to make eye contact with his ex-boyfriend. "No it wasn't right." Albus whispered, his voice shaken. Albus looked up and Ben's hand was soon wiping away his tears. This wasn't right, he wasn't suppose to be nice to Albus. The young boy needed to keep his ground and not be fooled by these actions, yet he was blinded by the love he once experienced. Things were getting difficult being so close, yet deep down he needed to be held. Al was sure if he walked away he could find someone to hold him, and sooth him from his inner thoughts. Yet did he want to show anyone how broken he was at this current time? As Ben pressed his forehead against Albus he looked into Ben's dark eyes mesmerized. Ben admitted he wanted Albus to be happen and he could feel a smile tug on his cheek, yet those the little words followed and his heart skipped a beat. Al knew Ben had a certain love for him, he was just unsure if it was right to throw away everything. Overall he had a loyal friend, a lover that may have not understood why he was so prude at times, and someone that was there for him in the past.

Albus would be lying if he said he could walk away and never think of Ben again. He would be lying if he wished somewhere things had went differently, yet taken steps backwards in life were not his routine. "I'd be lying if I said, I don't think about you everyday, and I can't say I am happy with the way things ended, yet I can say I don't need you. I love you, but I have grown stronger from what we had. I can't just ignore the fact I am looking into your eyes, and I want to kiss you so bad, and I want to say everything will be okay and I know we can work things out, yet deep down I'm scared of you." Albus admitted reaching up wiping away Ben's tears. "I'm scared because you have a control over me, I'm scare because I love you so much and I didn't feel it back, when I ended things. I am scared to love you Ben, because you hurt." Albus said letting some tears stream down his cheeks. Albus didn't get a chance to say all this when they had broke up but he wanted too. The boy didn't shift a bit, he'd let his words seek in and see how Ben reacted. It was a small test in his mind to see if Ben could handle the harsh realities of Albus' thought process. Weather he could accept it, was a different chapter.

He listened, every word the younger boy spoke hurt him inside but he'd kill for this boy's happiness, he'd fight himself inwardly and out if he had to but he knew better, he knew Albus could never forgive him, he was just as stubborn, always had been. He smiled to himself in the slightest beneath his tears remembering days when the young Potter used to sit in his room during the holidays and Ben would come in and try and get the boy away from his studies, try to get him out into the snow to play with him and James and Chloe but he always had to pull on him a bit or hide his books. Ben shifted uncomfortably where he sat holding Albus as thoughts rushed through his head and he looked away, this was a lot deeper than he thought it was, he had an attachment to this boy far before this year, this connection of memories that could never be erased. Another mournful smile tugged at his lips more memories flooding, he remembered Al's second year when he was being taught how to fly by James and Albus fell off his broom right into a thorn bush in the backyard, Ben had laughed briefly but had stopped his laughter far before James had, had picked the boy up, carried him inside and helped him patch himself up. More tears were leaving his eyes by the second as he shook his head, he was pretty sure Albus never knew about this one but third year for the younger boy, Ben had noticed Potter had no valentine and he himself sent the boy a box of candy with no name on it just to be able to know he made him smile.

This was all too much for him, Ben gently moved Albus from his lap now and he scooted back as he pulled a knee to his chest and he glanced down ruffling his hair,"I never said you needed me, I know you're very capable of taking care of yourself Alby...Albus but I won't sit here and deny to you that even before we ever thought about one another in this way, I enjoyed helping take care of you"

[/I] he admitted as he licked his lips and he looked up at the younger boy with red puffy eyes. He reached up and tugged at the chain around his neck until it unclasped, his own promise ring on it and he reached over taking Albus's hand in his own, palm up. He placed the chain and the ring in Albus's hand and he closed the boy's hand on his own before letting go,"You...you'll always have that, you'll always have the biggest piece of my heart ever, and its up to you what you do with it, toss it in the lake if you want, hold onto it, maybe some day if you decide you do still love me somewhere deep down, give it back then, but its your's and its up to you what you do with that piece of me because no matter where or when or the situation I'm in....if you ever come back to me, if you ever forgive me, if you could ever love me again, I'll always drop everything to be your's again," he said before he pushed himself to his feet and he looked down at Albus one last time,"I hope he makes you happier than I ever could, because you deserve that, you don't deserve all the shit I put you through, but know that no matter how happy he makes you, you are the only person who can truly make yourself the happiest" he finished before he sighed and he walked over grabbing his jacket he'd almost left behind and he shrugged into it before heading for the door,"Goodnight Lil Potter, I'm sure I'll see you back home for the Holidays locked away in your room...if you're lucky I'll try to get you to come out and play" he said before he turned and made his way down the dungeon halls and toward the staircase.[/blockquote][/blockquote]

There was more to throw away then just a relationship that had gone south. Albus had never really considered the fact that all the years he had spent being separated from everyone else in his room. The breaks would always be filled with memories just because Ben would drag him out in the snow. Albus was always a timid child, yet with much persuasion he'd be forced to have fun. Many of his accidents and scars were from being reckless, rough housing with James and Ben. Albus was always that child who just liked to read, or listen to old muggle music. It was never his desire to fit in, it was never his desire to stand out. While some accepted the fact that he had asthma and he always panicked about that, Ben wouldn't. Ben would keep an eye on how much he stressed his lungs though, and even gave him his desired space. When he fell and got a cut, unlike James, Ben would help mend his wounds and not call him a baby or any other names. The two had, had a long pass as he did with Frankie. Everything was jumbled in his mind, and it was hard to breath as he felt Ben shifting him.

The school years were filled with much bullying. Albus never understood why he was the victim as if he volunteered to be picked on. That was something Ben fixed for him as well, though now a days Albus would stick up for himself. The silence had never been sound loud and he felt Ben move him. Albus looked up as the boy distanced himself. Ben's words were a harsh dose of reality that straw with his recent thoughts. The boy sniffed and let his eyes fall to the ground just taking in all the words he wasn't sure if he wanted to hear. Albus looked down at his hand as Ben took it, he looked up into the boys eyes feeling the small piece of metal in his palm. Albus listened to the words, and though they were flowing through his mind so vividly he couldn't make them out. The ring in his palm symbolized love that was once there. Had Albus known he was loved now a days, of course yet it took some more time then others to fall. This was his own demise.

When Ben stood up, towering over him he felt small and insecure. He rubbed his write absently not wanting to look up. At Ben's words about there being someone else he frowned. Frankie had meant a lot to him, yet with all this emotion he's have to be reassured later when Albus was ready. Albus never put himself first in life, and as selfish as he was with his school work, he always put other's feelings above his own therefore, he didn't even make himself happy. There were too many thoughts going through his mind, and suddenly he didn't want to be happy. Albus was blunt, he had to be honest with Ben about his feelings. Yet he didn't want to be the one left with things to think about. The foot steps faded away and he looked up at shook his head, allowing the tears to stream down his cheeks. Perhaps it was best if he didn't go home for the holidays. Albus remembered Dad telling him he could always find a second home at Hogwarts. His friends and family wouldn't be too thrilled yet he'd have alone time to think. What was he doing just sitting there? Albus got to his feet and looked down at the floor. Was he just going to let Ben leave broken like that?

Shoving his ring in his pocket he dashed for the door looking from side to side in the cold dungeon halls. The boy ran for what way he heard footsteps and chased after Ben. Once he caught up he couldn't help the rush of hysteria that took over his mind. Albus shook his head and stopped dead in front of Ben and wrapped his arms around the boys waist. He took Ben's arms and tried to wrap them around himself and rested his head on Ben's chest listening to the older boy's heart beat. "You don't mean it Benny, you don't mean it! You don't mean it. Nope, you love me remember? We we're going to be together..forever. Remember Benny?" Albus tried to reassure himself, his voice cracking and broken due to the fact he was crying. Albus felt himself shaking and he looked up at Ben thinking of how wrong it was for him to do what he was doing. It must have took Ben a lot to let go, and there he was, holding on. Albus let his hands fall from Ben's sides and he backed up slowly. "I'm so..sorry Benny..Ben." Albus whispered wiping his tears. Albus didn't have a right to do that, he knew Ben needed to fix himself and now he was being selfish himself. Albus turned himself and walked away, not looking back after his display of hysterical indecision. Yes, he still loved Ben. Albus walked back toward the detention room, he needed to serve his punishment and brave it. His mind would be messed up for a while, yet he probably deserved it at this point.