trying to make sense (al/frankie)

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A lot has happened within the last week and Frankie was still trying to wrap his mind around it. Ever since the night of the Valentine's Day dance, he’s been in a whole new realm of sanity, and his mind continuously kept reverting to what had happened in the student lounge between him and Albus. It was hard not to though, considering that the two of them had a pretty heavy make out session that he never thought would happen in a million years. Frankie had resigned himself to believing that there would never be any chance of him and Albus being anything more than what they were, best friends and neighbors when not at Hogwarts, and, while he had a crush on his dark-haired friend, he was okay with that. It wasn’t ideal, as no one ever wants to crush on their best friend, but Frankie was sure he’d get over it. And then the night at the Astronomy Tower happened, and then the night of the dance not making it any better; it made it all so much worse.

Frankie had barely been able to concentrate on much else during the past week, and it was starting to bother the shit out of him. He had been out of it during his classes and had even gotten a stern talking to from Mattheus because he had been off at practice. He couldn’t help it though. It was hard for him to not think about what had happened, especially when he saw Albus every single day. Naturally, he’s been keeping a distance from Albus outside of their regular activities, and he was sure his Slytherin friend has noticed. He didn’t spend nearly as much alone time with him since that night, and that was partly because he had yet to get his own thoughts in order, so confronting Albus about what happened that night was out of the question, at least for now. He would eventually, but he needed to get a better handle on what he was feeling before he could discuss with Albus what he was feeling. Part of him was afraid though. Would he be able to handle just being Albus’ friend now, after everything that’s happened?

It wasn’t supposed to be this complicated, or at least Frankie hadn’t ever expected it to be. He had hoped that his crush on Albus would have disappeared by now, but his friend’s naturally flirtatious ways had managed to keep Frankie holding on by a thread. His fear for losing him completely had always kept Frankie from speaking his mind on the matter, and keeping it all to himself for such a long time. How did one broach the subject of caring deeply, beyond that of just a friend, for your best friend? It was dangerous territory and there was always a strong risk of losing the friendship altogether that could and would sway one’s decision to admit their feelings for someone they weren’t supposed to have any secrets from. Aside from that secret, however, Frankie had never kept a secret from Albus. Albus knew of Frankie’s attraction to both guys and girls, and also that he has kissed both guys and girls in his life, before Albus of course. Frankie didn’t feel the need to keep such secrets from Albus, with the exception of the biggest secret he’s ever had.

Frankie sighed to himself as he slowly made his way down towards the lake from the castle. With it being the end of February, it was still cold, but that day’s weather had been rather kind to the residents of the castle and the wizarding village not too far away. The sun was high up in the sky and the stillness of the air kept the temperature higher than it would have been with a breeze of any degree. Armed with his guitar case and a blanket, Frankie headed towards the large oak tree that shadowed the lake where it stood. on the hill just by it, Frankie used his wand to clear a patch of snow for him to place his blanket down upon the grass. Then, casting an impervious charm on the blanket so the water from the ground wouldn’t seep through to his clothing, Frankie made ready to sit down. he opened his guitar case and began to tune up one he sat down, and only just as he finished doing so did he hear footsteps behind in crushing in the snow.

He turned his head to see who was coming towards him and found it to be none other than Albus. Frankie suddenly felt a lump rising in his throat and his body reacting to the sight of his best friend, the very same person who he had shared an intimate night with just about a week ago. His mouth grew dry when he heard his name said and he suddenly wondered if he should make up some excuse of having to go somewhere, even though he had literally just gotten there. He was sure Albus had noticed him just sitting down and getting his guitar out, so it would seem too obvious if he just suddenly had somewhere else to be. “Hey,” he said softly when Albus finally arrived to where he was sitting. “What’s up?” he asked without looking up at Albus. Truth be told, Frankie was afraid to look at him right now, if only out of fear of seeing the look in his friend’s eyes. He wasn’t sure what he would see, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to see it. Frankie hated feeling like this.

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he is wearing this

The week had been tragic with the absence of the best friend. Albus found himself actually getting into a physical fight with one of his housemates, a couple days ago. Of course he had a low tolerance for ignorance, and he was misplaced in Slytherin, or so he told himself. Albus had always been one to be picked on through his years, he'd always inform Frankie or James knowing they'd stick up for him, if words were not enough. Albus was a smooth talker and could often speak his way from certain situations, however when someone spoke of his father, it was going too far. Albus knew those Slytherin students didn't always feel compassion, and even if the comment wasn't directed toward him, he took it upon himself to handle it. Hence earning himself the first detention he had ever gotten. It was just a week ago he was playing drinking games speaking of how he was never in this room, but now he sat here on a weekend.

The boy organized rooms in the Potions room, Missy was one of his favorite teachers, yet he wasn't sure if it was because she was stern like himself, or he was attracted to her. Veela's could do that to man, no matter the age. A smirk crossed his lips as he finished the last shelf. Albus stood to his feet and looked around. Part of having his ocd, was to normally be neat and well organized, he could hardly see this as punishment. Albus parted ways after getting his slip signed making his way into the dungeon. Naturally he walked to his common room, and made his way to the dormitory. The rooms were nearly empty. Albus got into some jeans and a collared shirt, he then put his sweater over it looking himself over in the mirror. There was still some discoloration around his eye from the bruise. At least it was healing properly and he was not blind. In his mind he could not fathom what had gotten into him, but he was certainly stressed. Finding his promise ring from Ben, the other day didn't help either. It was like he was trying to find an escape from his emotions, yet every time he let them go something would remind him he couldn't.

Albus grabbed his messenger bag and put it over his shoulder. The boy swiftly made his way up to the owlery. There he grabbed his basket mailed by his mother. Once a month she'd make his a large basket full of home made food, sandwiches and soup and some common snacks. In this case he was glad, because he missed lunch doing his detention chore. Albus would go to the lake, he had been meaning to sink his ring, and stop that memory flow. Also he could have a small picnic and read. Some self reflecting time, normally he's invite a special someone, but that someone wanted nothing to do with him, outside of class apparently. Albus felt himself grow sad as he pulled out his wand, using a shrinking spell to shrink the basket, so it could fit in his messenger bag. He then descended down the levels of the school making his way outside. The grounds seem to be warmer then usual, and even with the cold chill in the air, he knew spring was coming soon.

Albus walked toward the lake. He watched his feet while he walked thinking about his best friend. What had happened between them that was so horrible. They had something special he thought for a moment, yet now it seemed to fade away. Like the person he knew himself to be. Albus was changing and becoming cold. First he had started to become outgoing, snogging and flirting with whom he pleased, then came his temper and fighting? What was next, he needed direction. "Where are you when I need you dad?" Albus whispered to himself coming to the lake. There in his view was his mate, whom had been avoiding him. Albus walked up hearing the introduction Frankie had given him. "Hey." He muttered noticing Frankie wasn't even looking at him. What's up? Albus narrowed his eyes at his friend and sucked his teeth. "I'll tell you what's up, the beautiful blue sky. You should look at it, but clearly your too busy hiding from me to notice!" Albus hissed, hurt now. Albus felt himself get anxious and he shook his head and walked a good distance away from his friend. If this was how it had to be, then so be it. The boy pulled out a small knitted square that looked like a handkerchief and muttered a spell watching it grow into a knitted quilt. He set up, pulling out his book and his basket, over looking the water.

His aqua eyes captured the crystals as he took a seat pulling his knees to his chest. Albus felt foolish, and he never felt this way. It was silly, and hurtful to be cast away from his friend, but that what he felt Frankie wanted. Just like when he couldn't please Ben, he broke up with him because he figured that was what he wanted. Albus hated love, he hated snogging. Why couldn't he be one of those types to have meaningless sex, and just float around. He could feel the tears forming in his eyes now, as he looked away wiping them quickly. His mania was on a teeter totter, and he was starting to feel unsafe. Like he had when his father first was murdered. The lonely feeling sunk in, as he gazed at the water ripples. The best thing he could do was try to gather his thoughts, and ignore the elements.

Wearing something like this

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Frankie’s throat had suddenly gone dry as Albus stood before him and Frankie refused to look up at him. He had no idea what his friend was thinking, or even if he was looking at Frankie. The Ravenclaw knew that he would have to look up and face the music eventually, and he knew it would need to be sooner than later, but he was still just unsure of what to say about the whole thing. Everything that he had said, and done, had been from the heart and he had meant it all. But did Albus? He had been drunk, and Frankie was certain that the events of the Valentine's Day dance wouldn’t have come to pass had they both been sober that night. Sure, Albus had kissed Frankie when he was sober that night in the Astronomy Tower, but Frankie was sure that only happened because he said Albus wouldn’t.

When Albus spoke next, answering Frankie’s question to him, he could feel the wrath in his friend’s tone as he spat his words down at him. Frankie knew that his avoidance of his best friend wasn’t the proper way to handle all of this, but what else could he do right now? Now Albus knew his secret and it made him feel vulnerable. Frankie hated feeling this way, and he was sure Albus did too, but what could he really do about it? Frankie didn’t want to lose his friend over this, but he felt so strange just acting like nothing had happened, especially when it had meant so much to him. The life of a teenager was so difficult, and it only made Frankie want to grow up faster so he didn’t have to deal with it for much longer.

Frankie looked up when Albus started to walk away. The Ravenclaw Keeper frowned and sighed deeply to himself as he watched his friend finally come to a stop and pull something out of his bag. Frankie watched Albus from afar as he then spread out his blanket on the ground and took a seat upon it. Was that a picnic basket, Frankie asked himself as he watched his friend then pull out a book. Frankie knew he would have to go over there and talk to him. It was inevitable and he was certain it would be better to do now, before the entire situation got even worse than it already was. Frankie sighed deeply once more and then placed his guitar on the blanket he’d been sitting on and stood up. “Well, here goes nothing,” he said to himself before he started to head over to Albus.

The walk over there felt like it had taken him a lifetime to make, even though it was only a number of feet he had to walk. Albus had his knees to his chest and was staring out at the water. “Hey,” he said softly as he approached Albus on his blanket. He slowly lowered himself to the other side of the blanket from where Albus sat and took a deep breath. “I know you’re mad at me, and you have a very good reason to be,” he started, rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans as he sat there, his butt resting on his heels as he stared at Albus. “I’ve been so confused,” he admitted, “about everything, and I have been avoiding this conversation because I was afraid,” he told him, his tone light and uncertain. “I’m still afraid,” he whispered.

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he is wearing this

Had Albus thought everything done, the night of the ball? Of course not, he knew he was drunk and he knew Frankie was as well. Waking up the next morning, when he suffered a massive headache, laying in his bed avoiding the light, was when he had time to think. Things had escalated to a point where he was comfortable with Frankie, which was more then he could say about anyone else. It had to be something besides the fact they grew up beside one another. Albus had watched Frankie, have his share of girlfriends and boyfriends, through time. He saw the way his friend was sweet, and kind of heart, and although he knew they were friends back the he couldn't help to wonder about it. Albus' mind carried him all over the place, it wasn't one time, but he told himself they would never be anything. Albus hadn't dated anyone til Ben, which said a lot. His display of drunk acts were merely that, but he felt that passion as drunk as he was. Albus put his heart into those kisses and acts with Frankie, as if they were his last and now he felt like it was a waste of effort.

The negative mind set he was in, surely was because he never had felt so alone. Of course he and Eva spoken the other day about their boy troubles, but that was hardly who he needed to speak to on them. Albus loved Eva, he just knew their situations were different, and he wasn't sure anyone but Frankie would understand how he was feeling. Though the boy had made a point to abandon him. Albus ruffled his hair, he shouldn't be thinking that. It would put his mind in a worst place. It had been odd to him, how everyone he cared about was dying, or just walking out on him. There was only one person he could talk to, and now it seemed so far away to him.

Aqua eyes stared off blankly into the lake, and when he heard motion he didn't shift to look. Frankie's voice was so close, but he heard his words so distant. Albus wanted nothing more then to not feel, he just couldn't help to notice pain when he was around it. As Frankie explained he knew Albus was mad at him he shook his head. "I'm not mad, I'm upset." Albus muttered, he couldn't be mad at the situation because it effect him as well. He was sure Frankie was feeling insecure and confused as his mate admitted it. Albus let one of his knees fall down, as he rested his chin on his other. As much as he didn't want to make eye contact, he glanced over to Frankie, chewing the inside of his cheek. "I'd be cruel if I said I blamed you for being confused, as am I." Albus replied. Frankie's words were ones he never heard from the boy. Frankie was always idled in Albus' mind. The boy though, placed in Ravenclaw was always brave to Al, therefore him being afraid wasn't something Albus expected. He respected the honesty though.

Frankie probably needed time to think this over, it was a big deal. It wasn't every day you had a thing for your best friend. Being so close must have intensified those feelings, and this must have been why he was distancing himself. Albus wanted to reassure Frankie this wasn't the end of the world. As if it didn't effect him, but he didn't want to change the way he acted with Frankie. Albus knew changing for people and situations was bad, and not genuine. He wondered if he should try to show Frankie it was okay to be close to him. It may have been better, now they were sober. "I want to know your concerns." Albus said, he'd have to ignite this conversation and try to kill his friend's fears. As he knew Frankie would do for him if, the case were opposite. "You don't have to be so far away Frankie, I'm sorry for snapping at you." Albus said as a smile tugged on the corner of his cheek. Frankie had seen Al get snappy with James, amongst others who got him mad, he surely couldn't have been blind to Albus' mood swings, by now. "Come here?" Albus asked petting the spot beside him. He wouldn't get in Frankie's lap, he wouldn't make gestures that would add to the tension. When obliged he let out a breath and looked over the water. "Just look at the water, it's soothing, the waves crashing on the shore line." Albus explained trying to set a good mood for them to have this conversation. "Whenever your ready mate." Albus explained looking over at Frankie, rubbing his shoulder lightly. Everything would be okay, or at least this is what he kept reminding himself.

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This was harder than Frankie expected. It wasn’t any easier after he admitted to Albus that he was afraid either, though he wasn’t entirely sure he expected it to be. He was waiting for Albus to explode on him again, to yell at him and maybe even curse at him; Frankie wouldn’t be surprised if Albus told him to just go away and to never speak to him again. He would deserve it, though it would only add to his confusion and depressed state. Frankie swallowed hard when Albus told him that he was upset and not mad, and Frankie was sure his avoidance of his best friend was partially why he was so upset. Frankie nodded his head, but didn’t ask for further elaboration on that point as he continued to speak.

Frankie looked up at Albus when he told him that he would be cruel fi he told Frankie that he blamed him for being confused. Frankie felt a little better knowing that Albus was just as confused as he was, even though Frankie had been the one to avoid Albus and act like they barely knew one another during this last week. He was sure it would wreak havoc on anyone’s mind, and Frankie felt bad for that. He hadn’t meant for it to all happen the way it did, but he had too much going on in his head to just act like nothing happened, and that everything was normal. Frankie had too much to lose and it bothered him more than it probably should. Being a teenager was hard, sometimes too hard.

When Albus spoke next, Frankie found himself getting a bit nervous. He gulped when Albus told him that he didn’t have to be so far away and that he was sorry for snapping at him, but Frankie didn’t say a word in response. He was more than aware of Albus’ mood swings, as he had experienced several of them over the course of their friendship. He just never experienced them towards him, so this was entirely new to Frankie, though not at the same time. Albus asked Frankie to come closer to him and patted the spot beside him on his blanket. Frankie swallowed the lump in his throat as he slowly moved over to his friend and settled himself next to him. Albus didn’t crawl into his lap, and Frankie was relieved for that.

Frankie turned his eyes towards the water when Albus said to do so, and he took in the beauty of the scene before him. It really was breathtaking at times, but the nerves Frankie felt wouldn’t be subdued by such a scene either. Albus told him he could speak whenever he was ready and then began to rub his shoulder softly. Just the feeling of his friend’s hand on his shoulder brought back memories of that night and it caused Frankie to suck in a deep breath and let it out before he continued. “I’m afraid of losing you,” he said quietly as he pulled his legs under him and sat Indian style. “I know we said that night in the Astronomy Tower that we would never lose each other, but that was before… this,” he said as he lowered his head.

He then took another deep breath and continued. “It’s not every day someone feels as strongly about their best friend, or at least not to the point where they do the things we did that night,” he said, feeling his cheeks starting to grow warm as he spoke about it. “And, well, I guess I’ve been nervous about discussing this because I was afraid you’d say it was all a mistake, and that it was the alcohol that made you do what you did,” he said as he rubbed his hands on his jean-covered thighs. “I mean, I know how you get flirtatious and promiscuous when you’re drunk and, well, I guess I was just scared that that was all that was because,” Frankie said, pausing for a moment to take another deep breath, “it wasn’t for me,” he finished, afraid to look at Albus.

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he is wearing this

As much as Albus was trying to be strong, he feared to hear the worst from his best friend. There was a reason he was distancing himself over all. The Slytherin boy embrace himself, as he watched Frankie get comfortable. There were just so many things he wanted to come out with and say himself. The boy lacked patients, but he simply looked at the lake. The black lake was always beautiful, he could remember his father speaking of the Triwizard Tournament. The lake held many wonders, but for now it was just a beautiful distraction. As Frankie moved to sit beside him he smiled. The distant feeling faded some, and he was already starting to feel a bit better. In all honesty he wouldn't know what to do if Frankie spoke of ending their friendship. Albus would go crazy in his own path to self destruction, there were certain things that kept his sanity intact. His best friend was one of them.

Albus rubbed Frankie's shoulder softly, with care. At the boy's words he looked down into his lap. Frankie had been afraid to lose Albus, as it were the same for him. Suddenly he felt himself getting hot, and the anxiety kicked in causing his stomach to turn. Albus chewed the inside of his cheek. He was afraid of that answer but he needed to reassure Frankie that were not the case. "You'll never lose me, I'll stay as long as you let me, remember?" Albus explained, his heart rate picking up. Merlin, he wanted to cry and walk away like he had done so many times in the past to those who upset him. Al knew it wouldn't solve a thing, therefore he tried to remain calm and let Frankie speak. The night in the Astronomy tower they made a promise to one another, and now he was scared his actions the ball night, could have been pernicious.

Albus looked over to Frankie when the boy explained it wasn't every night people just committed the acts they had. Frankie was right, Albus had a hard time trying to do things along those lines in general. Let alone the fact, that it was with his best friend. Albus' cheeks soon matched Frankie's as he listened to the boy speak more. A mistake. Albus shook his head starting to feel an act hysteria coming on. No it wasn't a mistake, he just didn't know how to explain that with the whole alcohol factor in play. Frankie final words caused him to frown. It made sense to him now, why Frankie was avoiding him, because in a way this conversation was one that could make or break them. "I know I act that way when I'm drunk, but you don't get it." Albus stated closing his eyes remembering how he and Ben were at one point. Albus remembered the only way he could do intimate actions were when he was drunk. There was something different, about when he did it with Frankie. "I know I don't really speak much of my feelings, and I know it hurts you to think that I could never see you as more then my friend, but Frankie, I don't willingly do things as I did with you that night." Albus tried to explain as he sighed. "I am usually a tease, and I know I can say things and get close and promiscuous, but I rarely act on my actions." Albus said softly he didn't know what he was trying to say and no matter how he said it, it was going to come out odd. "I guess I was comfortable with you. drunk or not, I'm not easy, and my insecurities will push through my mind, before I just go letting someone be close to me in that way. Then I try to change the subject, or I try to runaway." Albus explained not sure if Frankie would understand.

Deep down, the last thing he wanted was for this to ruin them. Ever since that night all he could think about was Frankie. The boy weighed heavy on his mind, and effected him strongly. Albus wasn't one to lose himself and he felt like he was so far gone. It was the first time he was thinking some what straight since he felt avoided. "Your the best thing that's ever happened to me, you can't be a mistake." Albus said looking over at Frankie, he allowed a tear to fall down his freckled cheek, and he didn't gesture to remove it. "The way you make me feel, like I'm not just someone small in the world, as if I actually can do anything. You've been there for me, your the reason I'm not afraid to wake up and face the day. I care about you so much, can't you see?" Albus asked, now he was spilling his feelings, and he wasn't sure if this was good or bad. When he bottled things inside, they tend to stream out. Weather that were good or bad, he needed to get this off his chest. "I can't be the one forming a feelings as you throw yours away." Albus whispered looking away from the boy now. There he said it, now it just had to process.

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Never in his life has Frankie felt more vulnerable than he did right now. it wasn’t every day that someone admitted to liking their best friend, and it was certainly not every day someone admitting to feeling so strongly about them that they would commit such acts as they had the night of the Valentine's Day dance. Just thinking about that night made Frankie’s cheeks burn red and his insides twist about like someone stuck a fork in them and was twirling them around. “I remember,” he said softly with a slow nod of his head. And he did, but things were different now than they had been that night in the Astronomy Tower. Surely Albus was aware of that much, at least.

He could tell Albus wasn’t overly thrilled with the fact that he had mentioned how promiscuous Albus was when he was drinking, but Frankie has seen his friend on more than one occasion get close to people he wouldn’t normally get close to due to the liquid courage he consumed. When Albus spoke though, telling him he didn’t get it, Frankie couldn’t help but furrow his brow and look up at his Slytherin friend. He was curious as to what Albus meant by that, and waited and listened as his best friend spoke, explaining what he meant by his words. Frankie kept his eyes straight ahead as he listened, hearing his friend’s words as they were said. He hoped this conversation got less awkward, soon.

He couldn’t help but feel a wave of warmth course through him as he listened to Albus talk. He had to admit that, in agreement with Albus, he was very comfortable with him as well. How could he not be when they were best friends and had been next door neighbors almost their entire lives? He couldn’t help but feel happy to hear that Albus had never given himself to someone the way he had to Frankie that night, alcohol or not, and it made Frankie believe that there was so much more to them than just the friendship they’ve acquired all these years. But he needed to hear it, to feel it in a sober sense. This meant everything to him, and he couldn’t just leave it to speculation.

He took in a deep breath and turned his head to look at Albus when he spoke again, telling him that he was the best thing that ever happened to him. The tear that slipped down his cheek made Frankie realize what Albus meant and it took everything he had to stop himself from reaching out and wiping the tear away. His breath caught when Albus told him that he felt like he could do anything with Frankie, and the Ravenclaw boy smiled at him. “I don’t want to throw them away, I just…” Frankie wasn’t sure what else to say now, but he knew he needed to say something. And with that fading sentence, Frankie leaned closer to his friend and pressed his lips to his, hoping to god that same feeling returned from the night in the student lounge.

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he is wearing this

It was hard for him to give Frankie clarity on his emotions. It was just overwhelming, yet he knew it had to be done. Albus had never spoke from his heart like that, he was so scared of Frankie's reaction. Weather it be negative or positive it was said. Albus had never felt so relieved to speak of something so deep. It felt okay even in the silence. Albus knew it was only a matter of time before Frankie caught on to what he was saying, he knew there was more to them. The night on the Astronomy tower had triggered the curiosity, and the night in the student lounge was more proof it was real. Albus had to test his theory, and he had to see if there was a comfortable feeling between him and Frankie in that manner. It took a lot to speak of his feelings and now he was just staring at his friend awaiting reactions.

Each matter he spoke of he could see the emotions running through Frankie's eyes. Not necessarily bad yet he could see the hurt when he actually let a tear fall.Frankie was protective of Al and he knew every tear he had cried in the past, Frankie was the one to wipe them away. Al wouldn't have it any other way. The smile Frankie got from his final confession caused Albus to feel warm inside. At Frankie's words he listened, but they soon faded out and he felt the boy's soft lips on his. Albus moved a bit closer and joined Frankie in the kiss. Albus placed his hand on the boy's cheek lightly and slowly parted his lips allowing their tongues to meet one another's. Albus felt the familiar feeling as he let his tongue twirl in passion. He deepened the kiss, feeling his heart race. Albus put true feeling into this kiss, even more so then the night they were drunk and when absolutely breathless he broke the kiss smiling. Albus looked into Frankie's eyes as he leaned forward pecking him once more. He sighed hopelessly, as his heart fluttered a bit letting his finger tips traced the other boy's jaw line. "Your amazing." Albus whispered not letting his gaze divert from his mate's.

Albus bit his bottom lip and moved a bit closer resting his head on Frankie's shoulder he wasn't sure what this made them but he peeked up to him. "We can take things slowly and I know where to begin." Albus mused feeling whole for the first time in a long time. "Mum packed me some sandwiches and soup, we can have a little picnic date, yeah?" Albus asked hoping Frankie would like the thought of them having their first little date. It was nothing fancy yet it was a start. "Go grab your guitar, we can eat then you can play for me, and we can sit here and watched the sunset." Albus stated. Deep in his mind he knew this was alright, and if Frankie agreed it proved, they could get through anything and there were no mistakes. "We can even cuddle, and talk about everything, how does that sound?" Albus asked with a smile as he leaned up and kissed Frankie's cheek softly.