it feels so much like falling;; luca

It was dark, it was cold and it was windy. The boy wore nothing more than his school uniform and not even a cloak to cover himself against the gusty winds that plowed through the thick trees in the forest. The branches waved violently around as if the whomping willow was right next to him and he entered the forest without giving it a second thought. Kieran's hands rubbed his eyes and his face, wiping the sweat from his forehead and pushing his hair back. His chest raised up and down with anxiety and a helpless feeling that made him feel like he was stuck to the ground, anchored to a place he wanted to escape from or stuck in a very small place. Still, he kept walking and while most students would have been fearful of the Forest as it was foreboding and forbidden he wasn't scared of the forest and that is not what was affecting him at all tonight. If he was lucky he would have convinced Harley not to follow him and that he had indeed gone to sleep. However, bending the truth such to even with his best friend he needed some space. Even outdoors and with a small clearing approaching in the forest he felt trapped and like the sky was falling upon him. Not ten minutes ago he had been sitting on his bed while his dorm mates slept and he felt wide awake and there was this sinking feeling in his chest and the room had suddenly suffered a temperature spike that had caused him to start sweating. This always happened to him and he hated it. Kieran's pace was fast and his breathing was labored but he knew that his lungs were fully functional. Despite the oncoming panic attack he knew that he was suffering he chose the forest which on second thought was not the best idea at all.

Kieran stopped in the clearing and for a small space around him there were no trees, but he looked around and in the light of a half-moon he saw the branches move back and forth against the wind and in his vision it was almost slow motion and the loud noise that they made with the gusty wind was muffled out by the sound of his own heavy breathing. It was amazing how all the clearings in forests looked the same and in front of him on the barren patch of grass that danced in the wind all he saw was blood in his mind. Flashes in his mind of blood and terror and memories that he wished he could lock away and it only made his chest tighten and his face twinge in pain as he tried to not loose it completely. Maybe he should have just stayed in the Gryffindor dorms, he was no stranger to these attacks and neither were his classmates however he managed to usually isolate himself for he never wanted that spotlight on him or people to think less of him than they already did. That night in the clearing with his parent's death was always an imprint on his mind, in his dreams and always right there in front of him to remind him of where he came from and what he had done. Deep in his heart he knew he felt guilty and responsible however the circumstances were out of his control. Kieran placed his hands over his eyes and closed them for a moment trying to make that blood disappear from the grass but it just wouldn't, it was always there and he clenched his jaw as his vision went blurry with tears and all those emotions he kept at bay and locked away demanded freedom and they just flooded out. Nobody knew his pain nor could he share it. His half-siblings all had their own secret pain and hadn't wanted to burden them with more.

Where was Ulric? Star? Luca? They were the only people in the world who could remotely understand but as far as he knew they weren't responsible for the ending of a life. Kieran took a few steps back until his heels hit a log that was on the edge of the clearing and in front of the wild trees. There was on thing that he was grateful for and that was the lack of a full moon tonight or the consequences would be such that he could not imagine how he would handle the aftermath. The Potions Professor was kind enough to provide them with a potion to keep them at bay during that time and retain whatever sanity he felt he had left. Unlike at the Orphanage where he was with other abandoned children he had support here, but he only yearned from acceptance and a family, something that most students took for granted here and they had no idea how lucky they were. Kieran sat on the log and kept his face in his hands trying to control his breathing. Even just sitting here at this ridiculous hour stuck in a traumatic delirium of post traumatic stress he felt like the floor was giving out from underneath him and his world was falling apart. Questions flowed through his mind and rejection weighed heavy on him. There were very few of his friends that could calm him down or even want to deal with him and a sibling was among them. There was something desperately lonely sitting in his gentle heart that only intensified and he opened his eyes again and saw the blood pool in front of him, it was following him and he couldn't make it stop. This was much more than just getting stuck in his head and like his brother had told him he needed to get out of there because this would happen eventually. It was more difficult to say than do, the constant battle in his life and he had lost this round again.

Kieran's eyes were red-rimmed from exhaustion and watery, the blue eyes that were normally so gentle and yet so sad where full of terror, they were the eyes of that child that had been caught in the clearing and forced to become what fate destined him to be. Kieran folded his arms over his knees and put his head down, his body rocking back and forth slightly as he waited for this to pass because it just had to however much it felt like eternity. And he hadn't even heard anyone approaching or entertained the thought that he would be joined in the Forest at all, the small twigs on the ground breaking with the footsteps.

---

lyrics: much like falling - flyleaf
words: 1120
notes: 0.o
credit: to vanessa!

HERE'S TO THE DAMNED, TO THE LOST AND FORGOTTEN
it’s hard to get high when you’re living on the bottom

• • • • • •

Down in the Slytherin dungeon Luca lay in bed, restless. There was something wrong yet he couldn't quite pin point his thoughts. Surrounded by idiots, speaking of whatever females they had encountered within the past week. The thought of girls was lovely but he remembered one in particular having an effect of him. After that he didn't get along with them. A fling here and there but nothing more, nor did he wish to make commitments. The things a woman could do to a man's spirit, crushing it as if it were mare dirt on the ground. At times he wished he had a mother to speak to him of these emotions, but emotions were weak and dulled the senses. Luca couldn't remember the last he actually felt something. It was as if he was beyond the point of return. The sorrow was gone and what remained in his heart was anger. Rage, what powered the wolf inside him. That was it he was sick of dwelling in his own misery.

Luca forced himself from his bed, shirtless and shoeless he took off into the night. The Slytherin boy made his way from the common room, that was abandoned at this hour. What time was it even? It didn't really matter, all the prefects didn't phase him and most would keep their distance. luca Greyback had a feisty temper and he was not afraid to confront whatever was tossed his way. Most of the professors understood werewolves needed their space and serenity, just as vampires hunted for strength. Wolves could not be kept under lock and key, they would explode. Creatures could roam the grounds late night, though being a werewolf was no use against other blood seekers, if the full moon was not in play. The cold wind howled through the air and he found himself picking up a scent. One of his own, his pack, a sibling. Luca started to jog toward the scent, it was not clear who it was, but it was important to make sure they were safe. Being the alpha it was his job to protect, love and keep loyal to his own kind. Anyone to cross his line of dedication would suffer greatly. The cold weather was horrible, he felt the misty weather hitting his face as he ran unphased. Body temperatures were always high as a werewolf, truly warm blooded creatures.

Once in the forest he sniffed out. The sound of a racing heart, and lungs gasping for air got him tense. The boy held his wand as he ran toward the unknown. "Hey!?" He shouted looking around for a moment for a form of response. The wind was tossing the scent around and he grew frustrated in the dark. The boy growled and followed his best judgment finally catching a gimps of the boy. Kieran? Luca watched for a moment as he ran over ruffling his hair. Why was he breathing so hard? Luca knew his bother's condition but he wasn't sure his dead of emotion heart could care. Luca slowly lowered himself as he put his arm on the boy's shoulder. "Calm down, your okay. If you keep breathing like that your going to give yourself a full on panic attack. The more carbon dioxide that leaves your body the worst it will get." Luca explained pulling his little brother closer into his arms, showing him the difference between his thoughts and reality. "Your safe.." Luca said his hear warming as he hated the feeling. The boy's loyalty was to his pack, his brother needed him to be strong and he rocked him whispered calming shushing noises running his fingers through Kieran's sweaty hair. Luca understood his bother's story and in ways the boys were similar. Had he ever witness this side of Kieran? No, but he was going to try his best to remain clam for the two of them. This was it, he was giving his best with the situation but it wasn't helping fully. "I'm here...it's okay...let it out Kieran." Luca whispered keeping the boy close to him, where he was safe for now, and always.

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we are all misfits living in a world on fire
• • • • • •

TAG;; Kieran Greyback
WORD COUNT;;691
CREDITS;;[/color]To Krys!
NOTES;;[/color]Sorry this post kind of sucked, they will get better
LYRICS;;Kelly Clarkson - People like us
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It was hard enough that he had to bear the last name of Greyback so infamous in the world and almost synonymous with an animistic and savage type of evil. People assumed you were fueled by a thirst for blood and a vision of pure red though not out of anger. On top of it he suffered monthly as a werewolf and at the whim of the earth's most famous celestial neighbor. Kieran felt like his ability to control his own breathing was slipping and while any regular student would have been bundled up in several coats and scarves he felt warm and was sweating from the heat if not also his internal panic. Being a werewolf you had certain senses that were heightened and your body heat was just a whole other story for the cold weather did little to bother him or any temperature really for that matter. There were very few people in this world he could ever open up to, growing in up in an orphanage you saw kids arrive and you saw them leave and get adopted or just grow old enough to leave that place forever. He was unlucky in that magical families did not want a Greyback child, they didn't even have to hear that he was a werewolf but merely his relation held the key to his loneliness and no family wanted that baggage that he carried with him unwillingly. His friends would tell him to let it go, move on and create his own identity but it was easier said than done and unless they had walked in his shoes they would never know the pain, the images burned in his mind and the scars that never quite healed and always seemed to be infused with pain. Unaware of his surroundings he jumped slightly at the presence of another body sitting next to him, but he could recognize even without looking to be that of his brother.

Although Kieran was technically older, Luca was the leader and something of a character that Kieran could never amount to and he had accepted his place in the world on that note. Arriving on the train to school while trying not to go deaf while a girl who had sat next time to rambled on about something or another he had come to realize there and in his first few days that there were others. Other Greybacks that all had the same father and were all wolves such as he. They weren't terrible or evil as Fenrir and welcomed him as they saw the obvious fear in his eyes. Such fear he could hide at this age, Luca could always see it before he could hide it though. The words were barely audible through the sound of his breathing and his heart that beat loudly in his ears. He had told his brother his story, what had happened to him and exactly how he had been bitten and he couldn't recall that the others had such a tragic story as he but he only used it to show that their father was not your ordinary monster. Luca reassured him and tried to calm him down, he felt his skin was pale and his eyes were already tired from sleepless nights. Even if he had gotten his eyes to close he awoke usually from some nightmare, you couldn't run from your dreams like you could people in physical form. It just never goes away. Kieran spoke, letting more tears fall from his eyes. How weak and helpless he must have looked and he dared to open his eyes and he wiped his bare arm over his eyes so that he could see somewhat clearly. The grass was still covered in blood and he closed them again, this burden and guilt was killing him from the inside out and no witch or wizard should ever have to carry the pain of having killed a man with your bare hands, teeth ripping flesh and blood being spilled.

Putting his head back down he held he tried to control his breathing and his chest hurt from the pressure. His heart felt like it was beating in his stomach and he just kept his eyes closed and hoped the next time he opened them that he wouldn't see the blood, his step-father's blood. How do I stop seeing it? That was a fact that was known to little to nobody was his guilt in the death of a family member, even his mother's death he carried. How does one deal with the guilt because it was going to eat him from the inside emotionally until he turned into Fenrir as he feared the most. It was something he had been asked by his best friend at the discovery that he could see Thestrals one Care of Magical Creatures lesson, while the majority of students could not imagine them. Opening his eyes again he saw the grass in front of him and although he still felt a high amount of anxiety he was relieved to stop seeing the red that was not there at all. He removed the tie that was still around his neck and placed it on the log next to him. How did you know I was out here?

---

lyrics: much like falling - flyleaf
words: 891
notes:
credit: to vanessa!

HERE'S TO THE DAMNED, TO THE LOST AND FORGOTTEN
it’s hard to get high when you’re living on the bottom

• • • • • •

The hardest part about trying to help, was not knowing how to. When one detached from his emotions, how was he suppose to be of great help. Deep down they were there, crushed and eternally yearning for what was never apparent to him. Affection and nurturing were not Luca's thing, but for now he'd try. It wasn't something he did everyday because he wasn't used to seeing it in his everyday life. Even since he could remember his father was an emotionless person. Life was filled with destruction, and question on why he was even part of this legacy. When he was hurt by his father's actions personally, he started to rebel, not ever being too open about his plans of vengeance. Luca vowed to his siblings whom were effected most there would be repercussions, and with them as his pack he'd lead them to clarity. If one was not clear of mind, they could never move on in life.

Time after time he had tried to speak to Kieran about the boy's issues. Knowing the story that effected him, it was easy for Luca to say words of encouragement, but he knew it wasn't easy to deal with. Luca had his own skeletons, but together he'd put an end to the suffering to the best of his ability. The age didn't really mean anything from what he understood, Luca always thought it was the mind set, and size of his form that made him an alpha. Luca always was a born leader, he could shut down his emotions and handle what needed to be done which was always a plus. Deep down Luca knew Kieran was strong, he just knew the boy had inner fear from trauma, and with this reason he knelt down holding the boy trying to sooth the fear. The boy himself was no stranger to guilt, his insecurities about his mother's death could eat away at his soul. There was no shame in admitting he wished the circumstances were different, but if they had been, he wouldn't be who he was today.

At Kieran's words Luca wiped the boy's tear drop away instantly searching for words. He couldn't see one of his own suffering like this. "It wont go away, it will always be there because it is part of who you are. You can't escape it, therefore best to accept it." Luca stated hoping to Merlin his words made sense some where. "You survived it, your stronger then you think Kieran, and I wont accept anything else." Luca stated disliking the heart race he got with each word. It reminded him of..her the love he once felt and became cold to. "You will stop seeing it when your realize your worth more then putting yourself through. Such pain and agony, you don't deserve this bro. Look at you, you look like a worn out asthmatic, who has seen his day. Just calm down." Luca said softly, letting himself calm down so his brother didn't feel threatened.

The last thing the boy needed to do was mistake Luca's tough love words, for insensitive ones. That wasn't the intention, he just wanted to show Kieran he could get through this, and the boy didn't need to feel like this again. At Kieran's question Luca quirked an eyebrow. "Maybe it's just an alpha thing but I can sniff you all out, the whole pack. I can sense when any of you are in danger." Luca admitted letting the boy into his beliefs. "Plus you wreak of wet wolf." Luca teased trying to make lighter of the situation as he ruffled the boy's hair looking around getting a vibe of the forest at night.

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we are all misfits living in a world on fire
• • • • • •

TAG;; Kieran Greyback
WORD COUNT;;641
CREDITS;;[/color]To Krys!
NOTES;;[/color]Brotherly love.
LYRICS;;Kelly Clarkson - People like us
[/size][/font]

There was something about his emotions that he could never understand, why did he feel them so intensely when others seemed immune to their own. It wasn't that he was particularly sensitive but it was easier to stab his heart with words than most people and he wondered if there was ever a connection to being a werewolf and especially around the full moon he always felt his anxiety at a high to where even his chest hurt. Kieran knew that each was different, like his brother was not as sensitive as he was but they had different experiences of course that only added to that and that he was trying to help in an area that he probably was not as strong in but he was there and he was trying and having someone there to stop him in case he did anything stupid was comforting. Depressed was something that always set in and he found that he depended on those special in his life to help him be happy because he was unable to by himself as he isolated usually with his own thoughts and memories and that was a terrible combination. From what he knew, Luca had known their father and spent more time with him outside of just being bitten unlike Kieran who just had that terrible memory in his mind. It was always difficult to explain how this all affected him, but he didn't know of many people that watched your mother and step-father be ripped to pieces in front of you let alone cause the death of another human being. There was blood on his hands that he could never wipe off and like he explained to Harley it just never went away, he always saw the grass damp with blood just as it was that night.

He remembered the first time he had finally told Harley that story, they sat on his bed in the middle of the night just talking, joking and playing cards when she asked him simple questions about being a werewolf. By that point he had trusted her to tell her that little fact about him and with a spell they had their bubble of secrecy from his dorm mates. Basically he explained what happened and by the end he just had tears streaming down his face and his best friend comforting him. The same with his brother as they shared stories early on and shared how they came to be where they are and how they are related, it was a painful story and something he didn't imagine really happened to people. Even if they were the same age or Kieran was months older than Luca he looked up to him as a leader especially being related and he looked to him on what to do because he had nobody else to follow on this and if he did they weren't a werewolf and could help him little. It was comforting to have his siblings around him and the even the oldest he had met when she was in her sixth year but he could remember for once feeling at home. Luca's words only angered him. How could he accept that? How was that fair? Why did he have to live with the sins of a beast and not live a normal life? Accept it? Accept that they're dead because of me? I'm tired of living with that. Frustration mixed with anxiety and he stood up from the log he was sitting up to pace around and any normal person would have seen a mad man ready to just break down or go postal.

How was to strength to survive? Fenrir only let him live to pass on his blood and pass on his name, to leave a legacy of fear and destruction and children who would forever be broken in their own way. From what he understood Fenrir had actually tried to be human for Luca but had abandoned Kieran. What did he see besides a simple child that had him abandoning him again just as he had his mother and even murdering her in spite or in blood lust. He didn't want to bring it up but with the way he was feeling he just had to know. I just struggle with why, you know. Why did he take my family away from me and just leave me like that. By family he meant his mother and father, not the family he had right now and it was something that had always stuck in the back of his mind in the orphanage and you could say he had abandonment issues. Kieran didn't hate Luca for that, he hated his father. Either way he was here and one of the few people in the world that actually cared about him and the closest thing to feeling at home with a family and he always appreciated that. Kieran still paced and crossed his arms as he still felt high strung and tense. At least he was trying to distract him and that's what he needed.

---

lyrics: much like falling - flyleaf
words: 856
notes:
credit: to vanessa!